Why did Gerry get incarcerated in a mental hospital, and why did Doc live in a bush, if they are intelligent?

Will Doc and I have to wait for another lifetime to become rich and famous?

Poor Doc and I with so little time left to make our mark in the world. Today we filmed a series on intelligence. We both thought we were very intelligent and are shocked to find outselves on the bottom rung of the ladder of success, fame, and wealth at the end of our lives. Of course we knew this was happening for some time, but I, for sure, thought my big break would surely come after so patiently waiting. Now it looks like I am going to have to come back for another life time to get anywhere. I just read this book called "Many Lifetimes" and also another book about India's foremost mystic guru who gave me the idea that if at first you don't succeed in this life time, you must plan for another right away. So let's see where would I start and what should I aim for?
But in the meantime I must finish up this life, writing on my two blogs and making videos which will surely not land either one of us on the front page of the Internet. I see Jane Fonda on there this morning, but she had the good fortune to be born to a famous actor, Henry Fonda, and then there is Ted Turner, her ex, who acquired great wealth. They were both asked on 60 minutes. I doubt that Doc and I are going to be asked on 60 minutes, but we did make three videos this morning on our plight. I am a humble person. I didn't want to be any more rich and famous than I deserve, and it is apparent that fate took me serious, and decided that fame and fortune is generally bad for people, so if I didn't mind, I would not receive any.
I know I get sick of rich and famous people very fast. Maybe that was the problem. I did not want to become who I did not like. I never even liked rich people let alone famous ones. I made sure I never met any of those. I hardly know one famous person. But the unknowns being so modest so willing to be nobodies bothers me. I think, well they should have a little more publicity seeking in them. A little more pride in theier worth, so they aren't so content to let other people have all the attention and them none.
Doc even got to expand a little more in this new series we made. I put the spotlight on him which he generally tries to avoid. I couldn't really let him say anything if he didn't want to. He has mostly wished he was dead, but now he seems to be a little less devoted to bringing about his demise. Hey, maybe he is ready to ask for a little more out of life.

Gerry and Doc talk about gay marriage and why they voted for or against

Gay marriage from the perspective of one who believed her father was gay

I grew up with the idea that my father was gay, but he was never honest about it, and he was one of the angriest men I have ever known. I understood even then some of the reasons he was not honest about it. We were living in Mormon Utah, and he would not have been rewarded in any way I thought for telling the truth. Finding himself gay, he was in a no win situation.
I always thought that being able to tell the truth was very important, and if others made it too hard for people to tell the truth, they were not valuing the truth either. This included my mother and the good Mormons around her. My father was a son of a man with more property than any rancher in town. My mother saw money in her future if she married my father, who was about 26 at the time, (she was all of 18) and I always thought that she, too, behaved with absolute fury when my father fell short of her ideal in husbands. She became an even angrier woman than he was man.
Without ever facing, of course, why he found himself unable to be an ideal husband, she was doomed to one of the most unhappy marriages I have ever witnessed. I could not see any fixing it. I just thought that they would have to muddle along taking care of their five children the best they could together, since neither was capable of taking care of them by themselves. I feared I would not even survive with my mother, and my father drank too much so he could not be trusted either. She needed to be there when his alcoholism got out of hand.
Obviously marriage was not working for a normal woman and a gay man. Had my father not become so addicted to alcohol, I could have pictured him in quite a happy relationship with one guy he seemed to prefer for a long time. But gay marriage? Obviously that idea was way ahead of our time.
I see that Mormons have infuriated the gay community by fighting gay marriage as though it was evil incarnate. Well, that is the way the religious tend to approach homosexuality, which means there are going to be a lot of angry people on both sides for years to come.
I did not regard it as an issue I needed to fight against, nor was I particularly for it, but I voted against it because I feel like a lot of issues need to be dealt with first. I came to knowledge about my father through molestation by two of his partners who had come to hate him. Their homosexual connection created a very disturbing element in it for me since that was so tough to fight. I could not tell about the molesting any more than I could reveal that I thought my father was gay. I wanted to scream at my father at five years old, you made this man furious by snubbing him on your weekend parties with younger guys, so he grabbed me! I witnessed my father in the trappings of what I thought was a sexual affair with this guy before the molesting began, and I thought of my mother at home with a new baby, and how angry she would be if she knew that every few days he went to this guy's cabin and spent at least an hour inside with him, while instructing me and my sister to go play and not bother them. My mind was just whirling with the magnitude of what I was witnessing with worse to come. The affair in my father's mind palled, he was much younger, this guy was too old in spite of being highly sexual which I found out when he molested me. My mother even said that he was too old and ugly for my father to take with him when the older guy became angry at being left home to do the chores. Unconsciously she was picking up on the sexual interplay between them without actually ever expressing her suspicions in so many words. If she even thought about homosexuality which I came to doubt. But she was angry all the time at my dad, and now I pretty much knew what he was doing to deserve her upset. She was really in a pickle I thought. You think children can't be that wise? If they have to deal with terrible situations they wise up in a hurry. Survival depends on it.
Anyway, out of that very rough beginning I developed a life time interest mainly in bisexual men who liked women, too, reminscent of my father.
Noel Coward despised men who used women sexually for advantage who actually preferred men he thought. So there are all kinds of reasons why a bisexual man will take up with a woman. But some I think have genuine feelings for women which they think were thwarted by molestation by males. A man intervenes in a young boy's sexual life, and then what is he? He may not even know if he did not have that orientation before molestation. He does not know what he could have been.
Early molestation is a very big problem here, naturally what parents greatly fear, not so much the homosexual but the homosexual pedofile who might in some way benefit from legal gay marriage. Which fear tends to make gays furious. However, I do not think that the mainstream of gays are willing to concede that pedofiles are a huge problems, both heterosexual and homosexual. If gays aren't concerned enough about the problem, this is cause for alarm, because it is perceived by parents as being soft on sexual interplay involving children.
I think at the present there is far too little dialogue between the different factions. Gays, to my mind, need to play a more activist role if they are going to get people to understand that their motives for wanting the right to legal gay marriage will not threaten society in basic ways. I get along with lesbian women very well because we are both women I think. I get along with bisexuals who are grateful that I try to understand them and am genuinely attracted to them if I feel their emotion is real. But gays in general I have a very tough time with. I think gays tend to be extremely angry, so if difficult subjects are brought up, such as molestation they may get so furious no dialogue is possible. All we can do is retreat to our different corners with an abyss between.
At the present I would say that gays are so sick of prejudice they have preferred isolating themselves from heterosexuals to mixing and mingling and trying to get along, especially when a great deal of ignorance and blind acceptance of religous values are involved. I can hardly blame them for that, but such blind acceptance helps no one. I left the church partly over this issue. I could not get my own thoughts about it accepted, even though I am not gay. I thought the religious became completely irrational when they had to deal with the specifics of a life style sexually different than their own.
Bisexuals existed long before my time. My father was by no means the first bisexual cowboy who has come along the pike. The work lends its self to guys who like to camp out with guys. I would say there are a lot of reasons why bisexuality develops among men who are isolated from women for certain periods of time in their work. But I believe my father to have been introduced to homosexual practices very young, so his development could probably also be attributed to molestation. I think that might be the primary reason he wanted to marry and father children. He was trying to be normal.
But he and my mother had no understanding about it, which I think became an insurmounatable problem in their having any kind of successful marriage. I blame my mother more for this than my father, because she punished him for not being normal. Everything was his fault. And she had a hair trigger temper and made us all suffer. My father had to protect me from her, since she found out she could hurt him by being mean to his children. She went a little crazy is all I can say.
Gay marriage might be a good idea but I think there needs to be a lot more dialogue about it, obviously, and absolutely furious people on both sides are not very apt to have meaningful dialogue.

I am so excited! I want to go to L.A.!

I had to laugh at Raymond. On his way to Salt Lake he called me and said that he had just talked to Kurt that morning who is in New York and is slated to come out and direct his one man show in Los Angeles. He said Kurt was beside himself with excitement because he has never had an occasion to come to Los Angeles especially to direct a new work. While they were talking, Ken Harding called from Los Angeles, Raymond's actor friend who lives there, and he was beside himself with excitement to hear Raymond had the money to produce the show and would soon be coming to set up camp! Now I am getting beside myself with excitement because I suddenly realized I could take a bus to Los Angeles, stay with Pam, and she and I could take in the show! (Nurse Pam) As we have been trying to get together for some time. I must tell Kelli, too, who lives there in the general vicinity. I would like to get to see her, too. (Noonmom)
I have gone to Los Angeles a number of times by car and on the bus back when. But it is so exciting when people create an original event. It is not necessary to become world famous, it is just necessary to make the world a more interesting place by taking a chance and getting a play out there!
I found out that at the time I proposed this plan to Pam she had already proposed a plan somewhat like it in a comment on my blog. Our minds were clearly running on the same track.

Son Raymond to take his one man show to Los Angeles

I have posted this photo of Raymond because this was taken at the Boulder Heritage Festival last summer, which will sponsor his show. Raymond has raised the money which will be awarded to him. He plans to move in about ten days to Los Angeles. A friend of his who has acted the lead in several of his plays has urged him to move to Los Angeles where he has lived for several years. Raymond was born in Glendale, a suburb of Los Angeles, and I took him there to live at least 4 more times. He got a part in Lisa and David when he was in the 8th grade, and he returned to attend Burbank High School in his senior year because the same teacher who cast him in that play was teaching drama at Burbank. She cast him in "Harvey" for which he won an "Oscar" for best high school performance of the year.
I remember Randy Stone, Jodie Foster's great pal, reputed to be the father of her two children, was one of this classmates. Randy died a couple of years ago of a heart problem which greatly saddened Jodie.
I always thought Raymond was my California baby, but he never returned because he was so busy trying to do his original plays in Phoenix. Now he is moving to Los Angeles for the winter and will continue to summer in Boulder. He has his dad's old trailer fixed up, where he can live very cheaply. He is excited now, after all these years, about what Los Angeles might hold for him.
In spite of the bad economy, he is one who has raised money and is launching off with his one man show in one of the biggest and most exciting cities in the world. His show consists of original songs and about seven monologues about different people in his past, including his singing dad, his writing mom, and other family figures. Aside from that, he has an arsenal of original plays to do in Los Angeles in years to come, if all goes well.
I could not be happier that my California baby is returning 'home.' I have a good feeling about this. I think Los Angeles will reward him for his perseverence in writing plays, working on his guitar playing and singing, and writing songs.
He will come through here in about ten days to drop belongings off and gather up some necessary items to set up housekeeping. I asked him if he would not take the time to make a video for me, and he said he would!

Another dialogue on legalized abortion

I would like to respond to some of my commenters to my entry after the election, clearing up, first, some of their perceptions about what I think of Obama. I was happy for the joy of many blacks to see an African American ascend to the white house, but I have come to ask more of everyone who aspires to lead us. Years ago, when legalized abortion caused a huge leap in the death of the unborn, I had to make a choice about what to do about it. First let me say I am a strong believer in the spirit. I was in the process of being murdered after five hours of torture by my insane husband one time at the age of 20. All feeling ceased. I perceived a light descending and I knew somehow it was Christ who had meant a lot to me as a child growing up facing a lot of trouble. I looked up as all feeling in my body ceased. A would be killer's hands were around my neck ready to squeeze the last bit of life out of me, and he recognized the look in my eyes as ecstacy at the thought of seeing Christ, knowing I would soon be in his presence. He threw me down on the bed and said, "I would kill you but it wouldn't do any good."
I felt I had been saved by Christ. My drunk Jack Mormon husband had actually descended from the Prophet Smith's family, and he was religious enough that he processed what was happening and did not murder me. I never doubted that I would have important work to do on this earth.
I believe when we stand before God which I expect to do in a few years, it would be hard to defend not fighting against so many of the unborn being killed. I think those who have more wisdom than we possess, those with a higher power ask us not to kill, and there are many in this country who have been taught in their churches that aborting a child is wrong, including Catholics and Mormons, of which I was one through my twenties. Right now these churches' record in fighting abortion is good.
Why do people proseletyze? A lot of the reason is because they do not think that others have had the opportunity to grow up in a society that tries to welcome every child that is conceived to life. I did not have it easy as a child. My father was also a rebel, a Jack Mormon, and he caused my mother terrible grief in the marriage which I particularly noted as a child. I thought he was gay and his life of affairs and neglect of her drove my mother out of her mind. She aborted one child herself, and I greatly feared she might try it again and die, but she was finally able to persuade a doctor to give her a tubal ligation so her pregnancies ended after five live births.
I think we will be able to have sensible dialogues about legalized abortion as long as people don't get very angry. I detected quite a bit of anger from some of the commenters. I write a blog on http://www.azcentral.com called g4life, so am accustomed to getting some very angry comments on this subject. But too much anger will get us nowhere. When a law is perceived as bad, as leading to too many deaths, to fight it requires more risk of extreme conflict. I believe at least 80 percent of the media are pro choice, which means if you are pro life, you will not be liked by these people. If you are a playwright, they will turn up their noses at your pro life writings. In many ways you will have to suffer for your belief because you are actually fighting the law of the land, but what if you believe that the law of the land is at odds with the laws of God?
Will you be justified if you go along with the law of the land? To a degree, I think, especially the young who have grown up with such laws, but in order to come out of what you believe is a dark night of the soul, you will have to fight such laws. The Supreme Court, consisting of just a few, changed this country across the land with Roe vs Wade making abortion legal in the whole country. What made it more acceptable is that Russia had already legalized it as had China to name the big ones. Aside from the fact that these countries were also responsible for killing millions of their own citizens with their totalitarian regimes, we were now in step. But the Supreme Court went against many Churches and their teachings about the wrongness of abortion by legalizing it. So I am not alone here in fighting it.
I happen to think that church teachings are right about a lot of thngs. Mormonism has kept thousands of young men from becoming alcoholics by preaching a strict Word of Wisdom against alcohol, drugs, and tobacco. I credit their teachings from keeping me from ever trying any of them. I am sure my children thanks them. My rebellious father and my ex husbands caused their families endless grief by becoming addicted to at least two of them.
I am willing to continue to reason all day about these beliefs. Do you angry commenters tell Catholics, Mormons, and people of other Christian faiths that teach abortion is wrong that they are full of crap? If you do you will not get far in a dialogue to find agreement. Or maybe you won't even talk to a 'religious' person very long you are so full of resentment about what you perceived as your persecution by the righteous.
If you feel that way, it is possible you may have been mistreated in the name of religion. That could be so in my opinion. Which is why years of dialogue and control of the emotions is ncessary from opposing sides to make progress.
As long as we don't get too angry, we won't close the door to those who disagree with us.