Saturday, March 27, 2010

Preparing for transition

I was beside myself last night as I had absolutely no one to talk to and my eyes were too tired to read any more. Finally after an e-mail to my sister in which I made contact with my sister who has passed, she (spirit) said she brought someone with her who I had known in life fairly well. He had been in law enforcement and I have always been very interested in law enforcement, probably because cops deal with true crime and have to sort out suspects and try to catch the perpetrators of violent crime. She thought of him as someone I might talk to who would be supportive of my memoirs in which a serious crime had been committed. My sister on this side had said a relative on her husband's side was still going through upset in his family because of a rape of a minor by a brother-in-law. The law had been called in and he had been charged but there was huge conflict over whether he was guilty since he denied it and his wife was not speaking to others in the family who were on the side of the victim.
I thought how much damage is done to other members of the family besides the victim who must deal with the fallout as well. This family has been in turmoil ever since the assault happened.
This former cop spoke to me and said that he could see I was having a tough time getting enough support in writing these memoirs and talking about the circumstances that surrounded the crime. He had become interested as he was good friends with my sister, and he said he wanted to try to establish contact and see if he could be of help. My sister in the spirit has been of tremendous help on several matters. In fact, in dreams she has urged me to be sure to write these memoirs before I die.
She says that the more such matters can be dealt with on earth the better. I have found it incredibly difficult to upset everyone with an in depth look at what I perceived was going on at the time. But I did not want to go to my grave without talking about it, either. I have waited until a lot of the people involved died, but can't wait any longer for fear I die myself before I can get the story out there.
I was actually able to sit and meditate a conversation with this former cop which is hard to do, but I had a number of talks with him when he was alive, so I think that was why I was able to do it. It was very comforting to be able to talk to someone who is knowledgeable about criminality and had spent a long time working as a law enforcement officer. His father was also a long time law enforcement officer. There is much to consider when a crime has been committed. I am sure he could understand why it was not always possible for people in remote areas to access help from the law.
I thought it should be possible when you get old enough to talk to some of those who have gone on even though you have not completed all your tasks and are not ready to leave the earth yet. He is a year younger than I am I think, so he is very close to my age. So I am going to see if he can prove to be some help in the weeks to come, while I am writing my memoirs. I have got some difficult years of my father's alcoholism to get through. Years away from home. I don't like to burden my sister here too greatly who has been my main emotional support. She was also affected by my dad's alcoholism, as we all were. So I am seeking help anywhere I can get it, from the living and from those who have passed on.
The cop was very surprised at the condition of my companion Doc, but I told him that I have tried to help alcoholics all throughout my life, however I could without paying too high of price for it, because I see it as one of the worst scourges affecting mankind. I knew this former cop when he was jailing a lot of wild drunks in the construction town where he worked and we both lived, so he certainly knows about the toll alcohol takes from a cop's point of view, dealing with bad wrecks and domestic violence and everything else that goes with alcohol. In fact, I had to call him once for domestic violence, him and another cop. They ended up taking me to a hospital for the night as my nerves kind of snapped when I was asked to sign a complaint. Why, because I was too afraid to sign that complaint for fear worse would happen. Instead, after I got out of the hospital the next morning, I went home, packed up, and left town for several months. He didn't know all the circumstances of what happened, so now years later, he was like interrogating me about what did happen, and I was finally able to fill him in.
I never knew of him to have a drinking problem, so I don't think he entirely understood the fear a woman might feel about signing a complaint that could jail a man. If that man has already tried to kill you, you don't want to make him any angrier at the moment.
I always thought defense in these situations, and I always thought it was better to leave sometimes than to stay and fight. After the man cooled down, he was likely to be a lot less dangerous.
I have felt that a lot of women have been murdered by pushing a man in a dangerous state of mind too far, thinking that he shouldn't kill them, so he wouldn't. And he did.
I told him that Doc was not a dangerous drunk, but I was always careful not to expect more of him than he could give. The spirit said he was going to read my memoirs as I wrote them, so that he would be talking about them to my sister to get more enlightenment about them if he needed it. She had known him even longer than I had, and fell in love with the other cop as a matter of fact who had helped me that night. But this was a case of the woman not getting the man. I always thought this cop was the love of her life, but they both married other people. He is still alive. She has been dead over 20 years.
The visitor and I were attracted but we were both married. When he divorced I was single, but he married again I think almost immediately. He died a few years ago and his second wife remarried. His first wife died of breast cancer after they were divorced, so that was sad. They had five children so he says they are both still tied to the earth, coming to see about them. He said they are now just parents who had agreed to disagree.
Life gets complicated! But I will take help from anyone who is willing to give it as I say. I went down today and told Doc all about this visit from a spirit, and as usual he is always surprised at what crosses my mind.
I am sure this spirit will come in as needed, when I am desperate as I was last night. I try to hang in there with the living if at all possible. But there is bound to be more people my age dying all the time. Let's get real. I thought I would tell you all about this visitation as I promised I would write about any changes that occur as I get closer and closer to departure. I am sure I will have more such experiences before I am done here.

Connie made both of these beautiful graphics.

1 comment: said...

The graphics draw the spirit closer. You have some good one to add to your dialogues. Paul comes through strong. It's rather mind-boggeling to realize how many people you talk about have already died...years ago. Even those that should still be alive today. And there is little contact with so many others. Too bad.


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