Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Great news from Utah: play a success second night


Even more people came, more natives and relatives, who did not want to travel the steep road by 4-wheel drive to the top of the ledge. Raymond and Dan built a stage during the week, which does not surprise me at all, because that is how Raymond acts when he is doing theater.
But I want to leave the rest of the story for him to tell in his blog. He said he and Dan have to go to Cedar to get supplies to fix the hot water heater, as they are tired of not having hot water. So I dont know when you will hear the story of the Hills and Hollows performance in his blog. If he leaves anything vital out then I will tell you.
He talked to older brother Gary Saturday and was alarmed because he was running around moving out of his house on Rock Wren and was actually out of breath. Which does not surprise me either given how Gary has acted for years. He told me once that to him, working was going as fast as you possibly could for 8 hours. I had commented on how fast he tore around how when he came with a backhoe to dig out some trenches for my sister Linda. Anyway, Raymond tried to slow him down. He said Gary still disputes that he actually had a heart attack. I could see when I talked to him he was in doubt even though he had to have 2 stents. No, he did not have the killer heart attack thank goodness. But he certainly had an attack on his heart's vital function with blockages.
Raymond said his younger brother Dan was a great help in building out the stage at Hills and Hollows that did not yet exist.
But the most exciting news of all for me was he is going to be reading "Happy Hello, Sad Goodbye" in his acting class during the summer. He has announced to them that next year he will be directing it for the summer theater show. In the meantime, he is thinking about other places he can take his one man show focused on his dad. His dad's sister came and he said cried throughout. He had lived with her so long, his disappearance was devastating to her. He said he dedicated the show at the end to her.
So the shows must go on!

$1000 check sends homeless couple, Ken and Casey, into buy, buy, buy mode (Prince from Saturn, Act II, Scene 6)


The big check they have been waiting so long for finally comes and Ken and Casey arrive in a taxi to show Jana their purchases and a plan to take her out for a Chinese dinner. Jana just wants the $75 she was charged to house them and the baby when their check was delayed. She tries to slow them down but they have so many plans for that money, she figures they will be broke in a few days. They leave in a taxi, announcing they are flying to Oregon to show Casey's dad Baby Maureen.
I wrote this scene from life, almost verbatim from what really happened.

Monday, June 29, 2009

I have been so busy today; draw up a seat and I will tell you what I have been doing

Well, first of all Sister Ann could not get dashboard on her new blog, nor did it have a sign in so she accidentally created another blog, but forgot to save it, so she could not find it again. Her old blog is on my blog list, but I guess her new blog did not save for me to find either, so I spent about an hour on the phone trying to tell her what to try. Finally her daughter showed up from VanCouver Washington and she is going to try to get her to help her get her blog going. My nurse sister got on the family site and said this was all too complicated for her.
Then Connie sent me this new gadget to try so I did. How do you like? I hope I installed it right. I like to try new things and so does she. It was fun. Of course I got this beautiful header of the bird from her.
Then I spent hours writing a new blog entry for my g4life blog on AZ Cental. I have to blog while the abortion subject is in the news due to the legislature passing restrictions, as I am getting comments down there that keep me jumping, literally, sometimes in pain.
I did not copy and paste my g4life entry in this blog because it was too long, and the comments were all too long, especially mine. I will post entries in my blog spot on this subject from time to time in what I think is a timely manner. I just put a link on my blog list. At the very top you will see a little photo of me. Click on my g4life blog and it will take you to my profile and blog list. My sister Ann is a regular visitor.
Then I went down to the lobby, met up with and talked to my poor dear Stacy, a young woman here who is pain and agony from back surgery. Her back went only a month ago, and the MRI showed a broken vertebrate, and she does not know when it happened, so my guess was it cracked as she fainted in the street a while back and she said she hit hard and a month ago she sat down hard on the floor and that was when it started killing her. It has been a month after surgery which they did immediately because her leg was going numb and she is still in terrible pain.
Then I went to the video library to see if Debbie felt better who is always working and serving in there. I think the least I can do is check on her every day if I do not spend time volunteering. I told her I hated that volunteer job, I have done it, and don't want to do it again.
Then I argued with a few more people about tenant organization affairs, came home, ate some dinner--a squash casserole I bought to a Mexican place, and here I am. I am trying to keep busier, interact with people and challenge myself a little more, and stay away from Doc when he has gotten inebriated in the afternoon. I feel happier already so I think it is working!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Arizona Republic columnist Laurie Roberts accuses legislators who just passed abortion restrictions of not caring about children 'after they breathe'


I felt indignant all day at the implication that pro life believers are so obssessed with their battle against abortion they don't care about living children. I explain in this video why I don't think that is the case. Besides pro choice people forget how many years they have fought to keep legalized abortion free of absolutely any restrictions.
I want to point out since I have posted a header of my 4 sisters and me that my sister LaRae became a pro choice believer and confided in us two years after the fact that she had aborted a child she conceived while having an affair with a man who had only recently left his wife and five children. She said she thought that her husband would take their two children if she became the center of a scandal involving this child. The father of child did not agree, but she had the abortion anyway, I think with the help of a doctor two years before abortion was legalized. But when she told me I had an awful premonition that this would have a bad effect on her life and that she would not live to be old. I thought she was just too sensitive a person not to respond to all the ramifications of this act, since she was a top secretary and could have taken care of the child and inherited a considerable sum of money from our father as well later on.
We finally had to agree not to talk about the subject since she did not change her mind, but some years later, she confided that after a divorce from a second husband, she was fighting bilimia again, a problem that started in high school. She had also had several procedures on cysts in the breast, so since she was considered at risk for cancer, when she was diagnosed with fibroid tumors and wanted a hysterectomy she agreed to have an oconologist (cancer doctor) remove her uterus so he could check her very carefully. At the last moment she broke this appointment, to the dismay of my nurse sister Margie, and had a young doctor just starting his career remove her uterus. With bilimia she probably never gained more than five pounds in her life, and she told him she wanted a vaginal hysterectomy so that the scar would not keep her from wearing a bikini.
As was determined later, the young doctor did not remove her ovaries as a precaution against cancer, as the oconologist intended to do. A year later her symptoms drove her to the doctor again and tests revealed she had developed ovarian cancer which had spread. She was told her cancer could not be contained, she was terminal. At this time she was in her late forties.
She fought her cancer strongly, going through radium and chemo and chemo once more after she came out of remission. Her courage was phenomonal. But she told me that she went to visit the married man once before she died and he said, "You would not be dying if you had not had that abortion."
I did think that from that point on she lived with death as a solution, and she just was not as careful as she could have been with her own health. She complained of being severely depressed before she got the cancer. I got alarmed and asked her if she had not considered professional help. I could not help but think that her attitude toward having the child contributed to her depression. I also think that her bilimia kept her so glamorous looking, that she adopted a too fast life style more easily.
But I never fought with her about her choices. I did not think that would be right. From time to time we might talk about it, but we dropped the subject as she desired when she did not indicate a change of mind. I did not consider it too surprising that a member of the family would be persuaded by pro choice arguments, to the point she would go to her death still a supporter of legalized abortion.
Does my sister still live? If there is a life after death I am satisfied that she soon learned that this was a real person she had aborted and this child went on to develop and grow in another world. In fact, not long before she died I dreamed I saw a child's skull lying in a field that had been sculptured by my sister. LaRae and Linda both are skilled sculpturers. A voice spoke to me and said LaRae's daughter has forgiven her mother and is waiting to be reunited with her in heaven. I cried and cried. It was all so sad.

Two sisters now blogging: Check my bloglist and take a look!

The above photo is of the five of us. From left to right we are posed according to age. First my mother, me, Margie (nurse), LaRae, Ann,(school teacher) and Linda. We were attending my niece Cheryl's wedding, oldest daughter of LaRae who is now fifty, so you know this was taken a long time ago. Sister Ann's blog is called Kanyonland King. Our maiden name was King. She has started with a poem about growing up in the wild west which I am sure you will love. Linda's blog is Vooman's Voice and in her second entry she writes about the death of a famous poet, Harold Norse, as she has written a good deal of poetry and has interacted with many poets, including the late Charles Bukowski. In another entry, she talks about the troubling aspects of our medical plan for seniors which up to now has failed her in quite a disturbing way. In the last entry she talks about whether to blog or not. My sister Linda is also a dreamer of dreams and has documented them and studied dreams foretelling the future of which she has had a number. I was most struck by a dream she kept having of extreme violence in Rawanda where her daughter was sent in the Peace Corps. She kept telling me she was dreaming about murderous men hitting one another with dangerous sticks which turned out to be machetes. I dismissed her dreams because I thought surely they wouldn't send her daughter to an unsafe country, but when the fighting between the two tribes broke out, her daughter was barely evacuated before the massacre began.
My middle sister LaRae, and the tallest one, passed over 20 years ago, but she is still with us in spirit in many ways. My sister Margie the nurse started a blog called Marge and only wrote one entry before she was beset with foot surgeries. She is still recovering, but she has had an extremely varied and long career in nursing so I am sure she will hit her stride as a blogger at a later date.
I welcome my sisters to the blogging world because of all the discussions we have had over the years which I am sure will help them to be good bloggers. I know my sisters will eventually give the blogging world some good thinking! Welcome aboard sisters!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

What a day this has been!

I started my day down to Doc's as I do every morning, having coffee, a bowl of cereal, reading the morning paper, and talking about the days events. I wanted to go to the Farmer's Market, and Doc volunteered to go with me at 8 am when it opens so he could spend the last of his 30 dollar produce coupons. He got in line with a water melon, but I didn't see what I wanted, so I went to him standing in a long line and said I wasn't going to buy anything (end of the month economy) so he promptly announced loudly that his watermelon looked like 'a piece of shit' and he didn't want it. This is the reason I don't go anywhere with Doc anymore, loud negative remarks like this in a crowd that would otherwise be enjoying their farmer market experience.
But there is no use arguing with Doc when he gets affected by alcohol so early, so I announced that I needed to write a letter to the paper and went home. I spent a good part of the morning writing a letter to the paper which I put in my g4life blog. I then decided I wanted to make a video on it, possibly, too. I went down to Doc's to film but ran into so much flak from him that after several tries gave that up as a bad job. So I left and went outside where I ran into Jack, the guy who went into an alcoholic meltdown a while back. I told him again I thought he was five days from death and he told me that his fever went so high from the septic poisoning he got from infected scratches and cuts during his binge, they were thinking of some drastic therapy before it finally started going down. He spent 11 days in the hospital and even then I wondered if he could hold on to sobriety when he came out, but the miracle is that he did.
Then Doc strolled out and sat down. By this time it is pretty late in the afternoon and I know Doc is so inebriated he is not going to make much sense, and as far as I am concerned nothing he said really got us anywhere. But Jack was polite to him and listened to him some and then left. Before Doc came I thought we were having a very intense conversation which I have often had over the years with Jack, which is why it upset me to so much when he lost control. I told him I wondered what on earth I would do if he died. Because in his sobriety he was like a beacon of hope to me.
Doc blamed his drinking on me in some garbeldy gook, and he just called me up and asked me if he hadn't presented himself pretty well to Jack. I told him I would not discuss it until in the morning, (when hopefully he will be more sober). He was not aware, seemingly that to me and probably to Jack he was not making a whole lot of sense.
He tends to get very nasty when interacting with real people. He is down to me and his TV set and he is not doing too well with me, either. His hedonistic philosophy is very wearying. "Gather ye roses while ye may" Drink and drink and drink some more.
In the morning Doc still has his lucid moments, and when he is lucid he is still a brilliant man which is what drew me to him. But we will slowly come to the parting of the ways if he does not change his drinking ways.
I have faced the fact that at 78 and as disabled as I am I am no longer healthy enough to have a physical relationship. I have desires, but not the strength, and I fear getting overly excited and indulging, because I know it could kill me.
In my last worst bout of chronic fatigue when I felt close to dying, after 3 months I tried to masturbate, and I felt like I almost died. Believe me, I did not try that again for about a year. Just that alone felt like it risked my life. I was surprised to find out that even that form of sex was so strenous, so hard on a person suffering from what I was suffering from. Chronic fatigue, or what I have had is so mysterious it is not often diagnosed especially by medicaid and welfare doctors. You do not have the luxury of being diagnosed with this conditon when you are poor. A specialist in chronic fatigue was not available to me, so I handled all the frightening symptoms myself without much help from doctors when I overworked and caused a relapse.
I came back upstairs and responded to one comment on my new entry in G4Life and then I started to write this entry.

Friday, June 26, 2009

I cried through the movie, "My Sister's Keeper"

There was so much sadness in the world today with Farrah Faucett's and Michael Jackson's deaths, and I was still shaken from Gary's heart problem, so I decided to go see this movie, even though I knew it was sad, too. I followed the case when it was in the news, and I don't know how close the movie stayed to the real life story, but I thought Nick Cassevetes who directed "Notebook" did a good job. Nick Cassevetes is the son of movie makers John Cassevetes and Gina Rowland and I read today in the paper that he related to this story because he had a daughter with a heart defect. The story is about a mother who is so determined to keep her daughter with chldhood leukemia alive that she goes along with her doctor's idea that her only chance to live longer is with a bone marrow donor related to her. Neither her parents or her brother are a match, so he tells the parents it might be possible with today's technology to genetically engineer a donor match in an invitro fertilization. Unbelievably the doctors are able to do it, and the little girl that is born spends the next eleven years giving her sister what she needs in 11 different sometimes very painful procedures. Finally her kidneys fail and her mother wants the little sister to sacrifice a kidney to save her sister. But I am not going to spoil the suspense by telling you any more of the story.
I thought a lot of the acting was very touching, well done. Or this movie would not have been so emotionally moving. It was a movie about some very hard choices when a terrible disease is involved. If you go take your kleenex! You will cry.

Werewolf and Ken howl at the moon (Prince from Saturn, Act II, Scene 5)

How do you act after a heart attack?



I called my son Gary last night at home to find out how he was acting. He assured me he was taking his 5 meds now. The pharmacy did not have his plavix prescription so he even called the cardiologist and had him call it in. He said he had prescribed it, but it disappeared somewhere along the line, but plavix is the medication he must take to keep the stent open and doing what it is supposed to do. He also has to take aspirin and three blood presssure pills. Gary also said that he had some chewing tobacco now as he is trying to quit smoking, and if he just can't stand the craving, he chews a little. He had not gone to work yet, but hired a mover because he has to be out of the house he and his ex wife just sold this weekend! He is looking at other houses, but will go to a motel and stay until he buys the house. He says for tax purposes he needs to put the money from the other house into another one.
He had to go to the office to get instructions from his boss who is going to be gone all next week. Gary does the bidding now, so won't have to work his body, just his brain. Although this may have been a problem because it is sedentary work compared to supervising a job out in the field where he walks all day.
He said a lot of members of the family called him which seemed to cheer him. I gave him the number of an older family member who has had 15 stents! He is in his late sixties now and still goes to work every day. Gary was 56 this year. Two of my uncles on my mother's side died of heart attacks younger than he is. They probably had high blood pressure, too, possibly inheriting it from their mother and my grandmother. My mother had low blood pressure even though she got heavy. And the slow heart beat of an athlete. But her heart beat got so slow in old age she had to have a pacemaker put in. I am learning more about the heart because of my son's attack, I must say. I am watching my diet! I hope he is able to change his lifestyle, too, after this sobering development.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

AZ abortion restriction bill passes Senate; to require minors seeking abortion to have notarized parental consent

Arizona Legislature passes several abortion restriction bills: relation of abortion to war

All of these bills had been introduced in the legislature before and passed, but were all vetoed by democratic governor, Janet Napolitano. Pro life republican legislaters wasted no time in introducing them again when Napolitano became head of homeland security, and Janet Brewer, a republican, took her place as governor. Republican Brewer it is believed will not veto the bills as she has a good pro life voting record.
What will be required now is a 24 hour waiting period after applying for an abortion. Protesters especially objected to this saying that this meant abortion providers would have to make 2 trips to rural areas, first to inform the woman wanting the abortion of what is involved, and what her alternatives are, and then returning to actually perform the abortion.
A bill had also been passed to require parental consent by any minor seeking an abortion. It was discovered that some were forging their parents names, so legislaters wanted an addition to this bill requiring the notarization of the signature. Janet Napolitano also vetoed this bill in its entirely so this restriction was never enforced. I was happy to see this bill strengthened as when my 15 year old son worked and paid for his 15 year old girlfriend to get an abortion, they were not required to tell their parents at all. So I did not get any chance to try to save the child. My son said "I didn't want to be a 15 year old father!" I said, "You would have adjusted. There have been thousands of teens who became fathers." I knew this son was tender hearted, and in time would have come up to the challenge. Sadly this son has never had another child. His girlfriend never saw me afterwards but what she said how she regretted having that abortion. She feared to tell her parents. Clearly, what was a problem with parents at 15 turned into a lifetime of regret caused by an abortion.
The bill also gives doctors, pharmacists, and other professionals the right to refuse participate in an abortion or prescribe emergency contraception (which is an essence an abortion at the very earliest stages.
A second measure to the bill would impose a fine or 2-year prison sentence for performing an illegal abortion known medically as intact dilation and extraction. Currently the prison sentence is one year.

Of course there is always the fear of Obama getting FOCA passed in congress, if enough votes can be mustered, to rescind all the restrictions states have imposed on abortion! FOCA is frighteningly pervasive in allowing late term partical birth abortions without restriction. FOCA (Freedom of Choice Act) would also put legalized abortion in a category where it could not be touched. Yes, that is the aim of those pushing the bill. Never again a restriction on abortion by the states. Never again abortion not available. In fact, they would like people who propose restrictions to be prosecuted!
Let's hope these extremists don't have their way, but pro life people were alarmed at Obama's campaign promises to the strong pro choice faction of the democratic party. As a democrat I continued to fight for pro life democrats to speak up and oppose the party of civil rights being shanghaiied by abortion advocates. To me, the bloodshed of abortion does not put it in the same category at all of civil rights, even though abortion advocates have tried to make it sound like abortion is just as noble a cause as equality for blacks.
I think of them as extremists just as I think of the Bush presidents as war mongerers, believing that brutal crushing modern warfare is the only way to solve problems with Iraq. There is probably going to be centuries of emnity now toward the U.S. in Iraq. I feel President Bush could not get it out of his head that he needed to invade Iraq to finish up in the warrior way what his dad started. It is so easy not to think of the terrible violence that has ensued ever since in Iraq, because it is not happening in our country. We don't have to dodge bullets and get risked being blown up with car bombs and suicide jihaud martys with bombs strapped to their bodies. Our country was not invaded by the crushing military force of the U.S. Our capitol was not bombed as Bagdad was. And then WMDs were not found. Oh sorry! Excuse me.
I abhor war fare. I abhorred the Viet Nam war, thought we had no business there, bombing the country in the dark ages, too, in a war we could not win, because for one thing we just did not have the moral conviction we should be there, just as we did not have this in Iraq. I hated Johnson expanding the war in Viet Nam and I hated Nixon's support of war, and I hate McCain's belief that war solves more problems than it causes. I declared myself a conscientious objecter in my twenties.
Abortion is just another war, on the unborn. Another slaughter of the innocents.

The following is my open letter to the Arizona Republic just published in my blog g4life. I want you to have the chance to read it since accessing my blog g4life is very difficult.
Open letter to Arizona Republic about using the idea that church and state should remain separate to express prejudice against 'church' thinkers in regard to abortion
The disrespecting of what churches teach us with the legalizing of abortion is denying that the churches have for centuries attempted to find solutions to the age old problems of conception, too many children unhealthy for the mother and society, in fact the gamut of problems relating to conception without resorting to violence and wrong doing.
If you study the history of nuns you find that many women sought refuge in the nunneries of the day formed for women to get away from these very problems that had overwhelmed them out in their society. Vows of abstinence were commonly taken as the only sure way to prevent pregnancy, and many of these women elevated abstinence to something holy, the power of which is not understood today with a media that has attempted to purge all publications of anything to do with 'church thinking', in a misguided idea that we must have complete separation of church and state which is another idea that is pure propaganda in nature, causing people to huff and puff without quite knowing what they are objecting to. Quite as though church thinkers are far more dangerous than abortion advocates when they are not apt to insist killing is harmless (in the case of the fetus).
But then another propaganda idea is that abortion is not really killing. Propaganda is getting people to believe something that is not rational or logical. It is based on arousing the people's emotions, and once the blood rushes to the head, logic can fly out the window.
Well, over a million abortions a year ought to convince us that such extremism is not going to change those numbers, that in fact, we have a long way now to go to find effective ways to curb abortions. Legalizing abortion has only caused the numbers to rise for reasons unrelated to rape, incest, severe birth defects, and to save the life of the mother. We have discovered that if a questionable and violent solution to unwanted pregnancy is made legal, people will use it. If people who are tempted are told it is not killing they will believe that, too. Nothing is really going to bring down abortion deaths besides illegalizing it again except for such reasons as incest, rape, and severe birth defects, and threat to life of the mother. 95 perent of abortions are not performed now days for those reasons.
People thought people just might outgrow slavery too, but they showed no signs of doing so until they were forced to give it up! The press has often denigrated abstinence. Sometimes we can risk pregnancy with extraneous birth control, but sometimes we absolutely cannot have a child without grave hardship, and for this holy abstinence is the only sure prevention besides the violent solution of abortion.
Holy abstinence to me is far superior to unholy blood shed of the innocent fetus.
In order to embrace the killing of the fetus the pro choice faction has had to deny how serious it is to take life. They keep talking about a woman's right to chose what to do with her body, and a fetus is a separate entity and it is only a matter of semantics to deny that the child in that early stage is not 'alive.' The woman is responsible for the sex that caused conception, and she does have the 'choice' of seeing that conception does not happen even if she has to abstain when she does not believe she can afford a child.
With legalized abortion we stopped asking women to be responsible in a rational and logical manner. "A woman's right to choose what to do with her own body" is a propaganda slogan, no more or less, highly effective, designed to cause women to become emotional and indignant without deep thought which is what propaganda is designed to do.
It is time to reactify these questionable tactics by abortion advocates by opening back up the abortion debate to allow thinking to take place from many sources. Around 48 million abortion deaths since 1973 should be enough to convince any thinking people we need more thinking about abortion, more opinions from every source, more people to get passionately involved in saving these lives.
Irresponsible childbearing is a man and woman problem not a fetus problem, but in an abortion it is the fetus that pays the price. The fetus is innocent of all wrong doing and lack of responsibility. We need to put the blame for unwanted pregnancy on the adults, and they are the ones who need to find other ways to solve the problem besides killing their own children conceived irresponsibly.
We do not have a totalitarian government, so we should not support totalitarian birth control that requires killing to accomplish. Totalitarian practices made to sound harmless with illogical propaganda that lead to many deaths can creep into any country and flourish if the people do not perceive them and are not determined to root them out. America has always stood for freedom and equal rights to everybody. We need to give back the fetus the right to life. After conception it takes bloodshed and violence to kill the fetus. That should be enough to convince any American that abortion does not stand for freedom in America. 48 million children killed by legalized abortion since '73 is unAmerican."
As soon as this is posted I am going to respond to comment by one who calls herself a liberal that she has never learned anything from a church! Wow! What a statement. I have read Catholic Saint stories by the ton, whenever I could get them. The brilliance of some Catholic thinkers was I thought acknowledged by everyone. I have gone to a number of churches, sometimes for months when what they had to offer was very compelling. I was raised a Mormon and most of my family in Utah remained Mormon. Some are inactive, some are very active. I have read many books written by women, especially, who were raised in polygamy and became convinced it was not right. I have read many histories, diaries of value by Mormon historians. I have in my cupboard now a truthful and honest account I believe of the Mountain Meadows Massacre, a black day in Mormon history for which they have been vilified ever since. Juanita Brooks, this historian, is respected by non Mormons as well. A person's own ignorance is not a good justification to reject all 'church' thinking, but some people do it. People now days tend to try to get out of reading anything of any length at all. Kids play video games for hours instead of reading! The more you read, the faster reader you become, and above all the better informed about an issue. A nation of video game players and people who cannot stand books is a pretty frightening prospect.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Gary gets 2 stents, can come home day after tomorrow

His blood pressure was still 180/95 and they were trying to get it down, but he is being told that smoking is the worst, chewing tobacco would be easier on the heart. But he appears strong. He was animated, so I don't think too much had happened before he got to the hospital. Thanks for all the comments. I really appreciate them and family for their phone calls and concern. I took the bus and walked about 3 blocks to the hospital, and Dawn, his ex wife was there, and she gave me a ride home.

Gary will be having catheter procedure at 10 am


My daughter Ronda drove 40 miles down and back from her home north of Phoenix to talk to Gary about the procedure last night. She had to ask permission to see him so late, but I was grateful she came down as he had asked for her when he first called saying he needed to talk to her. He hated to tell me he was having trouble with his heart. She will be working today and tomorrow a 12 hour shift at Doctors Hospital not far from there, and the same docter who will be doing the 'cath' does them at her hospital, too. She said she might have been taking care of him today had he come to Doctors instead of St Lukes. He of course did not know where she worked. He just went where the firemen would take him. He vetoed the County Hospital.
Raymond called me late afternoon yesterday and said he had also talked to Gary and asked him if he wanted him to come to Phoenix, and he said no. Raymond said he and Dan would be working on the space at Hills and Hollows this week where the second show will take place. He said he was getting more people in his acting class, so it was going well. I said after they saw the show they probably realized you were a professional. He said his youngest brother Dan (Ronda and Dan are the children of another father) has been a big help to him.
I talked to Dan yesterday and said I might try to go get some things he needed to my sister Linda's, but later in the day I talked to Dante's mother who had retrieved Dan's house key he forgot to leave for her, and so she agreed to go get the stuff. She is moving Dan's car to her apartment also. Dan needed a number off from his insurance card. All this moving around causes vital statistics to be forgotten and so on.
I had a long talk with Angelina about Dante, hers and Dan's son. She told me about disagreements she had with Dan about how to talk to Dante. She did not approve of Dante's video "Picking up Women" and said he got those ideas from Dan. She also said that Dan being the skeptic he is discouraged Dante from wanting to learn more about church thinking, but she told him that as long as Dante lived with her he would be going to church until he was 18.
She talked about her several year stint as a bartender when she became an alcoholic and said that Dan's behavior caused her to give up on marriage with him. I just listened to her, and if I disagreed did not say anything, as her feelings were running passionate and strong. I also told her that I did not strongly disagree with Dan either when his feelings were too strong. I just listened to him, too. I have often thought that Dan says stuff to Dante he might say to friends, but Dante is too young and impressionable and may not know how to handle what he says about women, etc. This is what Angelina was saying, that Dan's kind of kidding advice to Dante was 'inappropriate.' I thought she had a point, but I did not think that Dan was the most to blame for her working in a bar and becoming an alcoholic. She was fascinated with tending bar for some time I thouught, as she is a beautiful little thing and liked the attention. I told her a long time ago that she needed to get a day job which she has now, because if Dan had been like most guys, she would probably have been beat up by now, but he does not believe in beating women up for their choices, but he acted broken hearted when she became pregnant as a result of her extra curricular partying. I would rather see her by far work as a maid than work in a bar. She has two more children now besides Dante. I feared she would drive drunk and be killed!
Dante lives with her and sees Dan on weekends. So her feelings about how he influences Dante are important. I told her that I had talked to Dante about my years of abortion protesting, that I was able to talk about such issues around him, because he had been coming to visit me so many years, starting when he was not yet 2 years old. I would keep him a day and ask his mother to pick him up, sometimes all night, but he was such a wild little thing, I could not handle him longer than that. He was a handful! He would run away from me. I remember one time he climbed on the parapet up to the park and wouldn't come down, just kept jumping from one level to another and I could not leap like a mountain goat and catch him. I finally threatened to call his dad and never take him again.
I told his mother he needed Dan's strength to help control him, as he is athletic and hyper active like Dan was. Dan never stopped moving in the womb or when he got out. That's why he was such a good basketball player. I told his mother I told Dante to think about what to say in his videos, to think about what his issues could be. The dog bite one is an example of a very good one I thought that is now available on free kid videos on youtube. Angelina also said Dante was writing a book! (Just like his dad is) I will have to ask him about that today as he is here now visiting. We didn't get to the movies the other day, and planned to go today. I don't know if we will still go with Gary having trouble, but maybe!
Doc just called me to come down where he had a birthday card painted for Dante, and he wrote him a check for $28, double 14. I will post a photo of his card.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Son Gary in hospital with heart attack

Last night Gary had heart pain, and this morning more, so he went to the fire station to have his blood pressure checked which was 240 something over 140 something, and with the pain they took him right in to St. Lukes. He called saying they wanted to put a catheter up and access the damage and probably put a stent in but he did not want that done, so he called me to see if he could get ahold of Ronda, my nurse daughter, to see if that was necessary. He just wanted to go home and start taking his blood pressure pills which he stopped taking 3 years ago. I would ask him now and then if he was still not taking them and said his blood pressure was high and he needed to stay on them or he was risking heart attack or stroke. Just lately he had been working more than usual scouting jobs around the state, trying to keep the company in work. When he works in the office bidding, he does not get the exercise he does when he is out in the field supervising and walking around all day, so he has probably been doing too much sitting. He has been back in the office bidding about 5 months.
I didn't know if I could get ahold of my daughter Ronda who might be to work, so I called my sister Margie, a nurse, who had a heart attack and the catheter work and a stent put in. It was also discovered that she had a hole in her heart probably been there from birth and blood clots could go through and cause strokes. She had one pretty bad stroke some years ago, and it was not known then why, because she has never had high blood pressure and is thin. Anyway she called and talked to him, and he said oky, you don't have to say more, I will tell them I am ready to have it done!
I will let you know more when I hear more. I got a hold of my daughter Ronda who said she would also call Gary as she thought he needed the procedure done which is done on all patients who show signs of a heart attack damage. Gary said they said his did. As I have said in my blog before, Gary has a drinking problem, which can also elevate the blood pressure after enough years. Gary's been devoted to work, never misses a day, for anything, but has still abused his health. I have not yet talked to is brother Raymond, but did talk to my son Dan who will let him know. I talked to Gary the day of the play and he sounded in good spirits because his house had sold. He did not get symptoms until last night. He said he drank a beer and the problem eased up! But this morning it came back.

Storm and show in Boulder on Thompson's ledge


Cowboys and Bohemians on my blog list will give you Raymond's stirring account of his first showing of "Bohemian Cowboy" in Boulder. Seventy-five people braved the steep road to the outdoor theater. Cheryl's SIL, Josh, taxied some who did not have 4-wheel drive. The storm cleared only an hour before starting time. He said the setting sun sent shafts of light across the flat he and Dan had built. He said Dan did well with the cues for the special effects, music, videos, and photographs.
My sister Ann was there and wrote a glowing review on our family site. I am going to excerpt some of it for you to read as she has not yet started her blog. She said most of the people who attended were not Boulder natives, but brought property there because they consider it such a wild and beautiful place. And Raymond had to make it even wilder and more primitive by staging his show in the outdoor amphitheater the guy who built a house up there also added for his music concerts. His name is Anselm, and he is originally from Germany. So the setting could not have been more dramatic.
Next week he is going to do the show at the Hills and Hollows, and he hopes more of the natives who knew his dad will come to that one, including his sister who lives in Boulder in the summer. Raymond said he was ready to take it on the road now, to Escalante, 30 miles away, where his dad was born and raised. My sister Ann wanted him to bring it to Panguitch.

Here is the excerpt from Ann's review:
"I can only say that Raymond's show was nothing short of a work of art. I was so impressed with all the directions his story went. People laughed at his Clyde King, nosebleed, rendition. Here and there they laughed. I thought both Hamlet and Jesus touching and real. And Dean...Dean came across so like himself and Raymond who was always frustrated at just what he could get from his dad. I think this was masterful threatre and Raymond, you came and gave us a great work from your heart. The theme was so strong with Father and Son conflict and coming together. Dan being there added, for me, another absent father who had a son who he didn't value. This work, in spite of the difficulties of connection in reality, was a great tribute to Dean (my father). And because you were standing there doing this great work, I thought that tribute could only be given your mother. You were there. You suffered. You suffered.
And yet you were able to move on. I loved your home speech. My only suggestion is to end with that speech..and don't do the repeat. That is so strong, it should just stand."

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Doc says I always want to rant on Sunday even if it's Father's Day


So when he saw me coming with my tripod this morning he helped me get ready to film a video on a subject I was thinking about all night, abstinence.
In connection to my dad (in photo) I was thinking that one reason I abstained from sex all during my teens and was a virgin, in fact, when I got married, was because I figured I would have to take a slow boat to China if I got pregnant out of wedlock, he would be so disgusted. My dad, although a wild alcoholic on the weekends, had been raised by a very devout Mormon mother, and a lot of her teachings and example had rubbed off on him. In fact I was a junior in college and my sister Margie a freshman, when my folks looked in her boyfriend's wallet he had lost in their house. (He worked for my dad) They found a condom and worked themselves up into such a tizzy they jumped in the car and drove 300 miles to Salt Lake to tell us that if we were having sex with our boyfriends (My BF was a cousin to Margie's BF) they would not pay our college expenses any more. I was very worried at the time that I would not be able to convince them we were NOT having sex with our boyfriends. But we were so indignant at being falsely accused they finally believed us. Needless to say I was a virgin when I married a few months short of being 21 years old.
In fact most of the young Mormon girls aspired to be virgins when they married. (we were all Mormon at that time, atleast in the small towns) I met 2 non Mormon girls in college who were having sex with their boyfriends but I did not think they were better off for it. I thought having to worry about pregnancy on top of getting through the last year of college would have been just too much.
As it turned out I was going to make abstinence a big part of my life when I became partially disabled in the psych ward a few months before I married Dean. I knew what a terrible ordeal I had undergone and that it had broken me somehow, so after I had my first baby, Gary, a year after marriage, I thought and thought and told my young husband that because of what had happened, we could not risk sex that might result in a baby. I thought up no prenetration as the only safe way for me live with him. We had had a rocky time during my pregnancy, during which he went beserk and nearly caused my death. Five hours of torture was enough to cause me to begin the dying process just as I had in the psych ward. I started going numb. I knew that if he killed me, I would not feel any more pain. Changes began to occur in my body. A light started to come down, and I knew within a few seconds possibly I would go to meet my God. I felt the figure in the light was either an angel or Christ who had responded to a victim of domestic violence. Dean somehow saw the dying ecstacy in my eyes that I felt at the prospect of going home to God. And he stopped his assault. He had his hands around my neck to choke me, but dropped them, and said, "I would kill you, but it would not do any good."
I was five months pregnant, so I knew I had to leave him. He might not stop the next time. He was reacting very badly to marriage and the responsibility of a coming baby. I went home and stayed away until I had the baby.
When I finally told my dad what my birth control method had become, a form of abstinence from any sex that could possibly result in a baby, he said, "No wonder he beat you up."
I just ignored him, because I knew he did not understand what had already happened to my body, but he did know something had happened, because he continued to respond to my need for help from time to time, either with shelter or money.
My dad like Dean was an imperfect husband and father. I was never allowed to talk to him about believing he had a homosexual side, but I knew there was a terrible stigma attached to it that kept him so reactive he could not have admitted it to anyone.
However I came to believe that I had been called by my creator to help him and others like him to surface what they were into. Society needed to be able to acknowledge the homosexuals among us without persecuting them to the point they found honesty too difficult. If we want the truth we cannot punish people when they tell us the truth. I did not know but what his homosexuality was genetic, but even if it was not, he had gotten into those activities so young, I was sure, that his homosexuality was stronger than his heterosexuality. I understand why he married and had children because he craved respectability and normalcy, but it was not going to do any good if he could not cease those practices.
I do believe that if a man wants to marry a woman and have children and sincerely wants to leave behind the homosexual lifestyle then he must discuss his problem with the wife to be. If he doesn't he is sure to succumb to temptation. And then he will lie and deceive and his marriage will be in deep trouble, as my parents' marriage was.
I understood that this problem was so knotty and so difficult, it was understandable why my dad failed to be honest. The kids came. Divorce was not feasible for years. He could see that my mother was not capable of taking care of us by herself. She had too many problems with being a mother. He did not want to see his children suffer any more than they already did, so he remained a father determined to keep his home together. We did not trust him by himself because he drank. We wanted Mother there to protect us when he was on a binge. So she stayed, too. This was not an ideal situation but the best we could come up with at the time. My mother asked me a number of times if I wanted her to leave him. I would always say no, not until the children were out of the home. So she didn't.
My father saw to it that his children inherited around $100,000 each, the five of us, a sum most people never see, but I thought this compensated for the crippling I experienced in childhood due to his problems mostly. I also thought the other children experienced a crippling effect. This money came from my Grandfather's hard work, too. And I don't think either my dad or my granddad would express regret about us inheriting this large of a sum of money. We could not run the ranches. And they knew what their problems were, since I think my Grandfather also had the same problem as my dad, a possible gay gene. They knew how hard the effects of this problem was on their marriages and their children.
Strange. My childhood has made me an advocate for the coming out of the homosexual, believing that is the only way we will learn more about this condition and accept that it appears in our society in a certain percentage of people, and that not to recognize that is only going to make matter worse. I befriend the homosexual whenever possible, because I know what it is to be concerned about them from a very early age, when I first had the thought that my dad was different. When I was only five years old I started to wrap my mind about what homosexual means. I knew early on that I did not have the condition. But I loved my dad and that behooved that I try to understand him.

Power of abstinence to prevent abortion

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Off we go to the Farmer's Market but Doc is discouraged by long line

He returned home but I stayed the course and came home with some delicious fresh produce. I was happy to see so many people buying good fresh vegetables. I bought tomotoes on the vine, yellow summer squash, fresh salsa, fresh cucumbers, and corn on the cob. I made pototo, corn off the cob, and green bean salad with roasted poblemo pepper in it, chopped chives, and wine vinegar, olive oil and Dijon mustard dressing for Dante. Dante said it was the best potato salad he ever ate and then he hit a hot poblemo pepper, first really hot one I have encountered. There must have been one pepper that was really hot out of 4. I roast them on high and then put them in a plastic bag to steam before I take the seeds out and peel off the skin. I sent his poor hard working Mom home a container and gave one to Doc who said he put lemon pepper on his and it was delicious. I used to be known for my potato salad with mayo, but this is a more healthy vegetarian salad, and now I want to be known for it.
Daughter Ronda came and she and Ethan visited for two hours. She bought pizza purchased just down the street, veggie for me. Dante and Ethan enjoyed playing a game together. Dante went home last night and I got a call from him very early this morning saying his mom could not take him out to Ronda's, which is 40 miles north, so we agreed she could drop him off here next Wednesday and we would go to the movies for his birthday, since we did not go yesterday. Now to pick a movie! He is kind of up in the air with his dad gone. His mom wants him to wait here until after his birthday to go to California. Moving time is hectic, but once his dad gets himsself established a little in Boulder, he and Dante can possibly make it up there together another summer and his dad can take him out fishing and trail walking. But his dad needs to pave the way first. Raymond has to see what he can do with his one man show, kind of a memorial for his disappearing dad. (never been found) My youngest son Dan has not been to the land of his ancestors but two or so days for years. This will be the longest stay he has had up there.
Dante will be all right once his mom gets moved and settle down, as he is used to spending summer in California with his Aunt Stephanie, who has to be a living saint, the way she cares for her murdered brother's children, Dante's mother Angelina and two others. Her other sister who had a nervous breakdown and gave up her kids lives with Stephanie off and on. Her brother who was once on drugs goes over there to see his aunt and uncle quite regularly.
Sadly Angelina's mother is back on drugs and living with a guy who deals drugs. She got government benefits when her husband was murdered while in the service, so her check attracts druggie BFs and because of long time off and on drug use she is not able to resist. Angelina was so upset she did not speak to her mom for a long time with this latest BF. This has been the story of their lives, her mom back on and off drugs with different BFs. Her mom called me up and told me her daughter would not speak to her. She actually sounded like she had just taken a hit, on the phone, but when I said I guess it is her fear of the drugs, and she said, oh no, I wouldn't do that. I know she would, so I thought well there is no use talking to her if she isn't going to tell the truth.
I remember one time she had a druggie BF who was also beating her up. He put her in the hospital and after she got out she went to the homeless shelter. She came to see Angelina and was going to walk down to the homeless shelter. Dante was insisting on going with her, and could not. He was about 8 years old. But he seemed very worried about her having to go live in a shelter, so he kept running around us and going with her. I finally walked with her and him clear to the shelter. She told him she had to go now and kids were not allowed here. He watched her climb the stairs all the way up before he would leave. I felt sad to think he was so worried about her, but he was raised in her home with her tending him about ten hours a day when his mom went to work.
Dan just called and we talked about his car and so on. He does not know how long he will be up there but will probably come back to Phoenix after he has done whatever he needs to in Utah. He does need to make sure he is not away from his son too long at this crucial age, 14. He said the sky is overcast, but tonight is the show. He took Angelina's phone number, I think, so he can call and talk to Dante so he won't get too agitated.
Ethan is in a much more stable home. His dad was just promoted to the job of General Manager of the plant where he works with about 250 employees. He has always been one of the most disiplined guys I know. Jamal has not been able to get a summer job before he goes to the University, but his mother Ronda also has a good paying job as a nurse. Ethan and Jamal both are much calmer than Dante who has had a lot more ups and downs in his life.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Dante comes for 2 days: Ethan to be here for lunch


I am always glad to have grandsons pay a visit. Dante's mother has gone to work and was also moving, so was very harassed as she has been trying to work double shifts to get the extra money she needed. Her BF, father of her two younger children, is not working and his unemployment benefits have run out, so he is not contributing other than taking care of the children while she works at the moment. The real estate bust in Phoenix has hit them hard because her BF was a heavy equipment operator, and it is hard to tell when there might be work for him again. He has been running a big machine for some years so he is very reluctant to take just any job. I think all these financial problems are causing her to think of separating from him. She is moving to where her best friend will be able to take care of her children while she works. She wants Dante to wait until after his birthday on June 28 to go to California for the summer.
Dante is computer starved since he is a great lover of the computer and video games and gets to go on it when he visits his dad. His mother doesn't have online, naturally, right now. I don't even know if she has a working computer.
Raymond needed Dan to get to Utah as soon as possible to help him with the set and special effects for his show Saturday night. Since Dan's employment at the Sheraton hotel running entertainment equipment was dropping greatly for the summer, he hopped a ride to St. George with someone he found on Craig's List offering a ride for less money than the bus costs for sure and fast. His cousin Cheryl picked him up and took him to Boulder where she now lives. The latest entry in Cowboys and Bohemians on my blog list is an entertaining account of what they have accomplished in just two days, which was quite a bit. They will have a lot to do with the festival coming up in July and one more date for his show at the Hills and Hollows. The first one is on top of Thompson's Ledge.
My daughter Ronda called this morning and is going to bring her son Ethan over for lunch. He has not seen Dante for a long time. She is picking up pizza. Dante has crashed in my recliner and new ottoman which has now become his bed when he visits. We tried to make a video but the battery went low. Doc changed it this morning, but I don't know whether Dante will get one made or not. I want him to get used to having a plan and thinking about what he wants to say.
My daughter is having a struggle with a very demanding nurse's job. She still hasn't gotten used to going so fast and getting as much done as required. She says having to chart everything takes so much time. This is all a new kind of work for her, so she is is still having adjustment problems. I told her she is a perfectionist, and can't stand making any mistakes, besides with patients just out of intensive care, mistakes are not to be desired, so she also feels tension and anxiety. I hope as she does it more, things will get better for her. Or atleast she will feel more at ease and sure she can do the tasks required.
I always feel more useful when I can help out with my grandsons once in a while. More like there is a good reason for living. As you get more feeble with age, you tend to feel more useless.
P.S. On a funny note, I said to Dante, are you putting on weight, you look kind of fat around the middle. He said oh no, that is muscle. I said, oh, I'll bet, so he let me feel and sure enough his torso and arm muscles are hard as can be. A few years ago my son Dan had him doing a lot of push-ups every day to play basketball, saying if he did not have upper body strength he would never be good at it. So Dante still does his push-ups every day! Amazing. Even though he did not go out for basketball. He says he plays now and then.

Letter to Az Republic opinion page yesterday: Today blog returns

My letter to the Arizona Republic follows which I wrote yesterday morning. Today I was able to access my blog. I am going to reprint it in my public blog here with some revision because I think it is very important to the public to keep up with what the newspapers have done with the abortion issue since 1973. I am sure all the Christians gradually quit reading newspapers having themselves labeled zealots and fanatics all too often for not suddenly going along with abortion. Before this lack of respect was not the case. I don't belong to a formal religion now, but I respect the good that is done in all churches. And that is what newspapers used to do. You will note that the word zealot appears at the top in referenace to the murder of a recruiter above the My Turn article, which page I photographed. This is very typical of how respect for Christians plunged after Roe vs Wade because they did not suddenly start believing in abortion. Here is my letter.

AZ Republic:
I have been unable to access my published blog g4life on AZ Central since I wrote a letter in response to the My Turn article by Sherri Finkbine's daughter objecting to the waiting period proposal in the bill introduced by Arizona legislaters. I am having my sister send me a copy of any comments, since my blog just shows a blank space when I access it through my e-mail and password. I can still compose a blog, but that is all. Since I have been writing protesting letters to the Arizona Republic about the pro choice bias that exists in this paper, I don't think I could be blamed for thinking you might have disappeared my blog as you would any other deeply offensive protesting letter, since you surely get some.
Anyway, while the cause of the disappearing blog is up in the air, I think it is a good time to remind you that this newspaper, as far as I am concerned, has a long dark history, ever since Roe vs Wade, of printing the columns of the most extremist of abortion advocates while disappearing anything but token responses from pro life protesters. I am sure this bias turned off a lot of people as the editorial page reflects the personality, opinions, and and biases of the newspaper staff.
In the changeover to a new owner, Garnett, I see that Ken Western was retained and I believe he had the job for years of picking columns to print, of which I protested many. Not one of my letters was ever printed! Pro choice editors of the editorial page, including Paul Katz, Kevan Anne Willey, etc, did not respect pro life opinions from that point on, thus contributing to this policy of protesting on the editorial page the slightest limitation proposed for abortion, as demonstrated by this My Turn article.
I think it is unconscionable for a newspaper editorial page to continue to have this attitude when over a million abortions a year are performed in this country and have been for years. And this is probably a conservative number. When that many unborn children are killed each year I think it would behoove any people with a conscience and access to the public to concede that this could be a big loss just like it does when the unborn are lost to any other cause besides abortion, or anyone else is killed by something or other. But since this issue has stayed tied to politics for many years it looks like the newspaper people would rather commit hari kari over abortion than rethink and change their policies.
I think the American public hates the subject of legalized abortion, and whether they believe in it or not, they do not like to read abortion propaganda, and the newspaper probably turned off a great many people with what they printed when abortion became legal. They have consistently defended abortion and I would say even promoted it. Some of the pro choice columnists seemed to be saying, here, women, have you considered abortion? The newspaper editorial page I felt became extremely ugly and dark with all these columns defending and championing abortion.
I believe that some political thinkers hate the rising population numbers and think that anything that might curb them is acceptable. But since you have neglected to publish hardly anything that could be a criticism of the effects of abortion, the debate has now become so one sided, the pro choice newspapers seem to have lost all objectivity. The newspaper has always stood for protecting the innocent victims (unless of course the victim is a fetus) all this since Roe vs Wade.
I know constant columns promoting aborton rights turned me off so badly I quit reading the newspaper for 2 years, so I could stop getting upset at what was in it and feeling driven to protests that would not be printed. I just got overwhelmed with keeping up with the newspaper's unquestioning support of abortion rights. And if I, a confirmed newspaper lover, could get so turned off, think how many others were, too. I would say the big changeover that occurred in most big newspapers to promoting abortion is helping to kill the newspaper. Biggest cause. Embrace killing as a solution, and sooner or later you may become a victim. I think one of the main reasons the newspaper is dying is from its imprudent embrace of abortion, which includes the New York Times and many other big newspapers. To say nothing of publishers. I think my chances of being published anywhere have been nil since I became an abortion protester. Pro life has become a bad word to too many people who consider themselves intellectual.
The Internet is still objective. This is where I have been able to blog my opinions and they don't disappear. I have had only one letter published by the Republic on pro life since 1973, and in my file there are many many letters on many topics relating to abortion that define me as a thinker on this subject who has not been respected in this state because the state's biggest newspaper does not respect pro life thinkers.
I have lived in the Westward Ho for ten years. I lived on the westside and read the paper when Sherri Finkbine became pregnant and her case was in the news for weeks in 1962. Now you give her daughter My Turn to champion abortion. I would expect her to have been affected by her mother's thinking, but a newspaper has to be more objective than that. The shameful part of the legalized abortion results is that no pro life thinkers are respected anymore which include a lot of 'church' people. You have not just gone to war with me but with all the Christian faction. Do that and that is another nail in the coffin of the newspaper. It was not like this before 1973!
You have to find a way to serve all the people or you are not going to be deemed necessary to those whose opinions you do not respect. The newspapers forgot the meaning of the word objectivity with the passing of this law abruptly overnight, by a Supreme Court which went where no other Supreme Court had gone before and as a result got more letters of protest than for any other ruling in history, ignored. How could the Supreme Court concede they could be wrong. Like the Pope, perhaps they thought themselves infallible and encouraged all to think the same. Nobody imagined at the time that abortion could suddenly become legal. This was not foreseen.
But when the newspapers got tired of the conflict and shut it down, they took it upon themselves to affect the outcome of such abortion limitation bills as talked about here. One reason that they surrendered objectivity was because they got tired of the subject. Well, the debate still rages in the hearts and minds of the people, and if the newspaper does not register what is in the hearts and the minds of the people it could be said to be extraneous. It is not doing its job.
The newspaper writers have become too predictable, and that is fatal for writers. The newspapers decided they did not need to think any more about a very knotty issue, and think deeply and ponder much. So what they put out became unexciting, predictable, and shallow and dark and disturbing as well. You might call that the definition of propaganda.

That is my opinion. I will keep trying to access my blog. I thought I needed to go into more depth about why this My Turn offended me, because it was only presenting one side, and we know the newspapers won't present the other.

Excuse the length of this letter, but I can't possibly cover everything you have left out about this issue for years by only publishing one side and in essence labeling the other side too ignorant, fanatical-zealots, who aren't smart enough to reason well and understand that a solution of death to the unwanted fetus is the only answer. Who is short sighted and impatient here? Death is always a short sighted solution. You don't have to think about a death blow. In fact thinking might cause guilt, so the less deep thought the better if you are going to champion abortion.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Having trouble with my blog g4life disappearing from AZ Central

After a rough day, I decided to put Connie's header on to start my blog out on a cheerful note. When I wrote a response to the My Turn article of objection on the proposed abortion waiting period in the Arizona Republic, I could not help being hostile. After so many years of pro choice bias, not enough opposing arguments have been published so there is no basis for a pro life writer to build protests on. Pro choice advocates have lost the ability to see the logic of the opposition because the newspapers have opted many years ago to end the conflict. Then I would say they deliberately did not print any more pro life arguments except for a token few to try to convince readers this was all that was coming in. Pro life protesters had given up and conceded victory to their superior pro choice forces, but there is a big difference in giving up and being shut out. It was like don't bother to write any more pro life arguments to the paper because we are tired of them and won't print them anymore. They were now going to be law abiding because they had gotten what they wanted, legalized abortion, and we all should quit objecting.
Right then and there is to me when the newspapers started to lose the integrity that had kept them such a big force in people's lives for years despite mistakes they made. They got arrogant enough to think they could get away with being biased, with considering only what they wanted to consider, and a great abyss began to open up, first of all between the liberal media and religions like the Catholic Church. The sharp criticism leveled at church thinking caused 'secular' to be the way to go. Does God even exist, certainly not like religions say he does. Sophisticated secular intellectuals embraced pro choice, but their sharp minds failed to consider that there are innocent victims in abortion, and innocent victims the newspaper writer heroes were always sworn to protect.
Defending abortion doctors like George Tiller soon became the job of the pro choice media, thus they were headed toward a huge collision with not only the churches but even the American people. The American people are not stupid and know that a late term abortion is quite possibly as much of a murder as the killing of the child just out of the womb at 2 months. We have had quite a few babies that young murdered here in Phoenix this last year in some horrible trend. Both take blunt force trauma, and if the intellectuals fancy they can still make their arguments stick that this should be a woman's right to choose, but not of course her right to choose if the child is out of the womb even a month or two. Before it is okay up to 9 months because legalized abortion allows abortion up to birth if anyone is determined to do it. And pro choice people are constrained to defend their choice, late or not. But some abortion doctors like Tiller obviously didn't see a lot of difference in age between a first trimester and a third. But when this argument is used for murder of the child just out of the womb, no it does not apply. So pro choice abortion providers can change the rules of the game of life whenever they choose because they have been given the mandate to perform abortions up to 9 months. This is what you run into with legalized abortion, and soon these ugly facts begin to stick in the craws of too many people.
So they stopped reading newspapers, because who wants to read a bunch of depressing abortion propaganda. I, in fact, got so mad at the Arizona Republic for printing such propaganda like calling a baby slated for abortion a fetus but a keeper, yes you can call it a baby. (Ellen Globe, pro choice abortion advocate from the Boston Globe) Her repelling column was the last straw for me and I wrote to the paper saying I was done writing protests to them in fact done reading the paper altogether. True to my word, I did not pick up an Arizona Republic for 2 years. For me, the embrace of pro choice thinking had ruined it.
But now the paper is dying as many other papers are. The Internet is blamed but that is because that is where the healthy conflicts are still happening. You can still blog your opinions the last I heard, and you can get your pro life videos uploaded to Youtube. I go where I am not rejected. The newspaper has rejected my thinking over and over. All I was doing was registering a protest, because they had guarranteed all letters to the paper would be read. They would not print my letters, which was why I was so hostile when they gave this great big My Turn to a pro choice thinker. Naturally. It has been years since strong My Turn columns were granted to pro life writers. Years. Even after a change of ownership but still pro choice.
Now my blog has disappeared. I suspect them of disappearing it, but it does not matter, we cannot get healthy debate going on a newspaper's blog site that will not print both sides in their paper. The newspaper staffs have bcome so narrow minded they cannot stand to print pro life arguments. They have become the kind of people they have deplored when they turned up in the churches or somewhere else to show prejudices and rigid attitudes. Pro choice people do not recognize narrow mindedness when it surfaces in themselves.
I think that is very sad. The newspaper people are running scared now. They are afraid to change, but if they don't change they are done. They have lost their way. I championed life not death. They should have known better than to champion death.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

AZ legislaters want abortion waiting period Part 1-2)


Above is part 1 followed by part 2

Az legislaters want waiting period on abortion: daughter of a mother who went to Sweden to get an abortion after taking thamidolide(sp) objects


I am going to be writing the newspaper a letter following this entry on this article. I have also made two videos which are uploading now. Here is an example of a daughter who would be expected to sympathize with the mother getting 'Her Turn" in the paper as a 'respected legalized abortion advocate' while I, who am pro life and a long time objecter to legalized abortion, have only had one letter on pro life published in this newspaper since 1973. I am a renegade, disrespected, too dangerous to print, when you are a pro choice editor. Sherri's career which was a TV series for young children was overshadowed by her abortion in Sweden. Well, people were a little bit disturbed as I remember that she had opted for an abortion involving a very difficult issue, birth defects, especially since a number of others with the babies born without arms caused from the drug were publicized.
But only 5 percent of abortion now days are for the causes that have always been grounds for possible therapeutic abortion, severe birth defects, rape, and incest, and the other 95 percent are a form of birth control presumably for a mistake, birth control failure, etc.
Since abortion was still illegal then there were more children including the armless children affected in the womb by this dangerous drug still being born with birth defects, so I am sure that Sherri's career of a TV program for young children was in jeopardy for 'sensitive' reasons. We can see her surrounded by very young children in the photo taken in 1962.
As a protester for so many years I have thought about this issue a great deal and the reasons that are the most traumatic for wanting an abortion, including severe birth defects. At the same time we are bemoaning here the death of a 21 month toddler killed by her mother and her boyfriend in Los Vegas and put in a dumpster, who fled back to Phoenix. At the same time we are also still trying to wrap our minds around the murder of George Tiller who was willing to do late term abortions and was recorded as having done many. I know that a girl from here was flown to Kansas for a late term abortion years ago because she was in jail and they did not see to the abortion she wanted soon enough. I recall them saying Tiller, the "killer" would do it, if all else failed, and he did.
So he took care of her pregnancy for her, late term, and I see that "Now" a respected program on our public television channel sent a woman to Kansas to pay Now's respects to Tiller and other abortion doctors one of whom said he felt called to this mission, as he thought George Tiller was, almost making it sound like a divine calling to take care of these pregnancies. Yet at the same time, we must bemoan the horrible death of the toddler who showed blunt force head trauma. The head is a target of attack in a late term abortion and might even be severed from the body, and I am unable to wrap my mind around the one and call it good and necessary, and the other evil and the perpetrators deserving of severe punishment.

Monday, June 15, 2009

I went to Pelham 1 2 3 and felt sad for John Travolta

I went to this new movie yesterday wearing my new summer blouse, mainly because I have to walk for exercise now and it was time. I am fond of John Travolta and Denzel Washington, so I picked this movie. John Travolta was thinner than I have seen him for a long time, and his profile was so chiseled, beautiful. He is a very good looking man. Denzel was a little too heavy as befitting the ordinary man he played, a dispatcher in the station who ended up becoming the negotiater the gangster insisted on having. I felt sad for Travolta because he was cast as the gangster taking people hostage on the train for ransome, which role I did not think taxed him at all. He just looked to me as though he was still feeling sad over the death of his son Jett which was seizure related. I thought it was too bad Travolta could not find a role that might have let him express his sadness better than this one did.
There was non stop action. People will like it, but it did not really give us anything new on crime. No new insight. Not much depth. Same old. Same old.
It did not reach nearly the depths in me that "The Hummingbird's Daughter" did. I hope someone will make that into a movie, and I hope they do a good job. I can picture John Travolta playing the part of the rich ranch owner finding a young daughter he never knew he had and learning to treasure her. I can see Denzel playing the part of his revolutionary friend who defies tradition and teaches the daughter to read and speak English and eventually has to flee into exile from Mexico. The daughter is all but murdered, and saved by a miracle due to her deep connection to the spirit, transcending death. John Travolta needs to make that kind of movie. If these Hollywood stars rely too heavily on crime for big careers, they end up seeming like movie gangsters themselves, benefiting from crime instead of fighting it. In this movie Denzel departs from playing 'The American Gangster" as he did in a previous movie and plays the victim, very well, too. But these guys need to look for and find greater roles. We hunger for some kind of spiritual uplifting now days. Financial titans like Madoff have let us down, revealing themselves to be real criminals. We are searching, searching for heroes to give us hope again.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Family Wedding makes boyfriend nervous (P of Saturn, Act II, Scene 4)

I have been lost in the past in a wonderfully lyrical poetic novel set in Sonora, Mexico, written by Luis Alberto Urrea


I have been revisiting some of my experiences living for 20 years in the Mexican part of town where I met many people who remind me of the characters in this novel, "The Hummingbird's Daughter". This novel is the essence of the Mexican experience, including a poor girl who becomes a saint. She is raped and murdered, is prepared for burial, but just as her services are about to commence, she opens her eyes and sits up. She has indeed been dead for five days but because of her psychic gifts and great healing powers she is given the gift of resurrection. She tells the astounded people around her she was being returned to heal and to bear witness.
Since she was born of a very poor mother who was murdered when she was very young, she relates to the poor, but her father, a rich landowner, has made it a habit to seduce all the beautiful poor girls he sees, and he eventually discovers that she is his illegitimate daughter, has a good inheritence of his intelligence as well as the gifts of healing and second sight from her mother. She has for example insisted on being taught to read as a very young child. Eventually she becomes the most important person in his life because she understands him, and he tries to save her when she is slated for death for inciting the natives gathering in the thousands to worship her as a saint.
But the dictator realizes he cannot kill her or the people might rise up and turn against him, so he exiles her and Tomas, her father, to the United States. Tomas leaves his ranches to his sons, legitimate and otherwise, and goes to join another exiled revolutionary friend in the U.S., who taught his daughter to read. He is putting out an underground newspaper for which Teresita has written articles defending the rights of the poor. On the way some of Teresita's militant following line a canyon to kill her guards and rescue her but she has the train slow down and commands all her followers not to fire a shot, and out of respect, they desist and she and her father go on to a new life in the States.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

More on the death of a blogger's daughter and a pertinent blog, Brain Cheese

I went to do more research on the story of Nicole, the daughter, and her mother Sherry. I find Sherry to be a writer with a very entertaining writing style who has been struggling with MS. I learned that her daughter has been sick and in the hospital with jaundice, apparently something wrong with her pancreas. Sherry went down to Texas to see her and wrote that she had a dreadful cough. A short time later she was back in the hospital with double pneumonia. Her brother stayed with her until the end as he was the main one who gave her comfort. He had things to do and places to go but he put everything on hold when his sister became so ill. It sounds like they are Sherry's only children. There had been an acrimonious divorce and Sherry had left Texas. Well, I am getting to know this family, but I think Sherry is such a talented writer I put her on my blog list and will be following her life with sympathy and interest. How hard it is for a mother to lose a daughter only 34! I see she has a new entry in her blog WordSalad called Celebration of Nicole's life.
Through Sherry's blog I found another striking writer whose blog is called Brain Cheese which I just put on my list, too. She is also an MS sufferer, but to my surprise she has just written a long entry on the Tiller murder and related experiences with abortion, and since she had a boyfriend who was involved with Planned Parenthood she had experienced a great deal that was of interest to me concerning abortion protesters at clinics. I have always found this form of protesting so disturbing I did not want to take part in it. I was taken back to read her description and reaction to clinic protests. She is very frank about helping friends who desperately wanted an abortion. Well, go see for your self what you think of what she says. I believe that an account of a viewpoint as well written as this one even though it does not agree with mine should be read by everyone in the interest of getting a cross section of feelings about a very difficult issue.
My son Dan tried to teach me how to create a link in my blog to another one yesterday, but something is missing, so I could not give you one here. I will have to get further instructions on how to create these word links I find very useful. But you will find this entry easily by clicking on Brain Cheese as it is almost the current entry called: Dear Quantico/FBI:...

Friday, June 12, 2009

Johnny wants a werewolf mask (Act II, Scene 3)

I love to blog

I have to restrain myself sometimes to keep from blogging more than I think is wise. After all, we want to be read if possible, so I try to space my entries to that end. Today my son Dan is coming over to put my converter box and a new digital antenna to good use. I have waited until the last day. I made a trip to Walmart on Wednesday when I found out I needed a digital antenna. Hopefully everything is going to work. I needed to get this done before Dan left for Utah, as he is my go to man when it comes to electronics. I am going to miss him when he is gone! But he seems to be looking forward to a cool summer in Utah working with his brother Raymond.
My son Gary called again yesterday elated because 3 jobs they bid on in the city came in. He was just coming back from looking at a job in Prescott. Bidding on a job takes experience and good judgment to be able to get the bid and make some money on it. But he has been working in this kind of construction for 35 years now, and his experience is invaluable to a company. But he said both of his ex-wives were in trouble because of the close to a million dollar houses they both bought when they were feeling rich. His first wife, mother of his children, made money when real estate was booming. Now she is going to have to sell her big house. He said he would have to keep his last wife in food money until their house sold. They have a buyer if they can get the loan to buy. Gary will immediately buy a considerably smaller house with his first wife as the broker, which will be the best way to go when he gets his money out of the big house. His first wife retired but has had to go back to work again.
I know Raymond is very busy right now building on the set and preparing for his two performances of his show this month in Boulder. Dan is going to try to get to Utah in time to run the special effects for him. This will be the first time Dan has spent any time in Boulder for a long time. He is going to go and connect with his roots, since his ancestor was one of the first homesteaders in the valley. They are going to talk about who homesteaded Boulder in the festival this year and who have been recent property owners. I know a lot of Boulder property owners are going to be very interested in this topic. They are still researching and will bring out a book to sell at the festival in a couple of years. This will be the second book to come out of their subjects for the festival. The last one was on School Days in Boulder. They want Dan to work on the foundation web site, too, as he is good at that.
We got bad news in the complex for those of us who go in the big swimming pool on a regular basis. It is going to be closed for repairs for at least 5 weeks! It's very hard to walk in 110 degree heat which hits us almost immediately in the morning.
I uploaded another video of my play, Prince from Saturn, today. Doc can't wait for me to get done with this series so he can get back to work. I think being laid off has been good for him. Taught him a little bit of a lesson on just how unraveled he can be when he reads my play on video. I have another play I want him to read down the road aways playing my dad and a country outlaw boyfriend, a history play on how outlaw men act in that country. The public has always loved the outlaws of the wild west, but I want them to see how they act close up and personal, and maybe they won't glamorize them quite so much.
I think that is why women are so often taken advantage of by the bad guys, because of how they are perceived in the movies. I refer you to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Butch was born and raised 60 miles from where I was, and I imagined him as lot more scary character than Paul Newman played him. In the first place, he was undoubtedly a bisexual, holing up with a bunch of men for days on end, drinking with them. In fact I think in the early days the homosexual probably thought of himself as someone who could never be accepted, even should he have been born that way. I say whether he had the gene or grew up under the influence of older outlaws, he was not going to be able to help what he was. So you might say some of these men considered themselves 'born' outlaws. These are the men I have studied all my life and have written about many times.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Sad death of a woman from pneumonia, only 34, daughter of a blogger, Sherry

I went to Call for Support and found a very sad story had unfolded. A blogger who has multiple sclerosis herself reported her daughter's terrible case of pneumonia and in a few days she was dead! I can relate to this story because my ex's mother died at a very young age of pneumonia leaving 5 children of which he was the youngest. But this was back in the days when there were no antibiotics. It's is hard to believe that nothing could save her, but it can happen when the pneumonia is swift and very bad. And a life time of mourning can result as happened in my ex-husband's case. His father virtually abandoned him after his mother's death, so he became practically an orphan.
Check out Word Salad on my blog list now and the story of Nicole, as I really liked her mother Sherri's approach to life, and I feel so bad she has been hit with such a tragedy. It behooves us all not to underestimate pneumonia.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Jana suffers anxiety when she must get a doctor's excuse not to work (Prince from Saturn, Act II, Scene 2)

Blog templates, making videos, writing controversial blog entries, and related subjects

You may have noticed I have been changing the template trying to get the one most pleasing to my eye. I am going to try this one out. I want the headline to stand out as this one does, and the blog list to start down a ways from the top. I can't see color on my computer so I have to go down to Doc's and check out the color scheme. I had green yesterday, but the green print was so faint I could not read it, so I decided that had to go. I am also left-handed so I decided to change the blogging space to the right. Does that make sense? No, but most people are right handed and they have their blog space on the left. So should I not have mine the opposite?
I apologize for the rock music background being too loud on Dante's video, as it is hard to hear him. I got him to turn it down some and then he wouldn't budge. So I didn't make a fuss, thinking he would learn more from seeing it. Doc told him down to his apt when we put it on his big TV screen he would need to mute the background more. Doc was stubborn when we first started and insisted on having loud background music, but he has come around. I didn't want Dante to remember this video session as a conflict over loud music. So he learned a lesson about background music, but he also learned that he could take charge of a video, if he had his thoughts together, and tell you something.
Now let us consider blog entry length. I always analyze everything thoroughly, so that causes me to be too long winded for some people. When I write novels I edit them severely as I do not like long winded novelists generally speaking. I find that most of them have not edited the more boring sections out. If a novel is 700 pages long it better be well edited or I am going to skim it in certain places.
But there are also knotty issues that I think require thorough analysis, possibly again and again.
In this day and age most of the young people seem to find length anathema. But with age I think they will learn to appreciate analysts who are willing to go into depth on an issue, especially one as controversial as legalized abortion. Young people may not be ready to concede that such an issue demands depth analysis. In fact, I think acting on this issue without considering enough depth is what has caused the problem. It was ill considered opinions on the Supreme Court in an area where the Supreme Court had never gone before that changed the policy so drastically in our country, for the worse for these children that did not used to be in so much harm's way before '73 and Roe vs Wade. A lot of people didn't want to have to think about all the ins and outs of the results and accepted it. So overnight a gigantic rise in abortion deaths resulted, and most people have been saying that is all right ever since.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dante makes a video by himself--and other matters


Dante wanted to come for one last visit before he goes to California on his summer vacation and his dad, my son Dan, goes to Utah to help Raymond put on his show. He wanted to make a video, so I suggested that he really do it by himself this time and gave him a few suggestions. He was ready. He ran the camera and made this video, the content of which rather surprised me. But you got to remember Dante was the only kid for years in his mother's family, so he started life off talking like a teenager which his mother was. Dan came home from the navy after 3 years and being my youngest had not been around any little kids. It is funny how kids will talk raised that way. He has made me laugh a lot of times with what he would come up with. Anyway this video made me laugh and Doc wanted him to come down and see himself on his big screen TV. That was quite startling, but I think Dante is getting more comfortable with performing on camera and now he is getting ideas about what he wants to talk about! Enjoy. (I did not try to censor him for fear of dampening his creative fires, I just said no swearing, obscenity, etc.)

Read Cowboys and Bohemians, Raymond's blog, to get an account of how he and his truck met up with a deer on a mountain road and the truck was much the worse for it. I called his other brother Gary to tell him, and he had rather good news. They have received and accepted an offer on their big house which was keeping Gary broke to pay the mortgage on it, when his ex wife ran out of money and couldn't get a job. Gary had been on a tour of smaller Arizona cities checking out jobs he could bid on. The company he works for is going out of town now to keep in jobs. Dan's job is slowing almost to a standstill in July, so he decided to take a leave of absence and go to Utah. So that's the family job report.
I watched a good horse race at the Belmont Stakes. Mine that Bird was quite fractious when he was making his walk. I thought oh, oh, he is using up precious energy, and I think that he may have gotten overanxious about winning after two big races and much hoopla to the point it affected the win for him, but he has still run 3 very good races. I thought the jockey on Summer Bird handled that horse extremely well and deserved the win.
Sunday night I watched the Tonys on Doc's big TV screen which is the only way to see the big musical numbers in this show. The "Hair" revival won and they had a wild number. I enjoyed all the performances very much. I was surprised to see that Constantine who got kicked off early on American Idol got a nomination in a Rock Musical, so he proved he has talent right there. Doc drank too much, so this will not be a regular occurrence, watching on his TV. I will go back to strictly morning visits.
I have put a new blog on my blog list you might visit as this person has written a very lucid discussion of the recent murder of George Tiller. Her blog is called No Apology Round 2. I have also placed a link on my blog list to another video about this matter done by Illuminati Truth. He is black and I think he brings up many objections he has to legalized abortion that I share.

Herrad

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