"My Father's Love," a shocking memoir about incest so well written and personally inspiring I had to review it

I know I have loaded readers down with a multitude of entries on difficult subjects such as abortion funding in the health care plan, My Memoirs still causing family problems which I have decided to post, my conflict with organized religion, etc, but my sister Linda just sent me this book she acquired from the author, Sharon Doubiago, a poet she met in San Francisco. I knew I had to review it after I read it.
My policy when I write an entry I know might upset readers is just to post it and then move on to another as quickly as possible, so I can recover and so can my readers.
This was not an easy book to read, believe me. This beautiful little girl when she was just about this age in the picture was savagely raped when her mother had to go to a TB treatment center, and she, her sister 5, and her little brother were left with their father. There was evidence that both her and her sister suffered heart attacks at the age of 7 and 5 when this happened. She also acquired an extremely thick band of what the doctor thought was a very unusual hymen which he operated on and tried to stretch years later or otherwise she would never have been able to be penetrated. This was scar tissue caused by her father's sexual acts repeated throughout her childhood.
I don't even know how this woman survived such a battering. Her sexual abuse was far worse than mine and impacted her health accordingly. She held in bowel movements. She hiccuped constantly and stuttered. To say nothing of the psychological effects.
Remember the name of this book, "My Father's Love," and her name Sharon Doubiago. What courage it must have taken for her to put this story down on paper. She was told for years not to write it. She finally told her mother when she was in high school, and her father, of course, denied it. He had held her under water at the time it happened until she nearly quit breathing and told her he would kill her if she told. Her mother was still disabled by TB and was so dependent on the father to make a living she did not repudiate him until he confessed he had raped Sharon years later, after he had a heart attack and nearly died. He said that he saw his best friend who had passed away when they were young who told him he needed to go back and learn how to be a father. Of course he could not do anything else to his daughters who were grown women determined to defend themselves, but Sharon said that she regrets that she trusted him again, because he lived 15 more years, long enough to molest at least one granddaughter. That is practically the last bit of information in the book.
We find out that he came from a family of brothers who molested their children and there was also evidence he was a bisexual when he married his wife, he had casually told her that he wanted to get away from that life.
So many of the same issues that have impacted my life also impacted hers even more severely. This book is over 400 pages long as Sharon does a comprehensive study of both of her parents' families, trying to understand why her father was a molester and her mother a victim who was not able to protect her children, partly because she was so dependent on him for survival.
I went on my family site today and learned that my sister Margie is still adamantly against my claiming my father was a bisexual whose affairs with both molesters I thought figured in their getting even by grabbing me when they became angry at him. So I know now we are estranged and that I will need to stay away from Utah or I will be attacked. She is in Utah where such things have been kept secret for years. Such men have been ruthless when it comes to silencing anyone accusing them of such sexual splits when married. So I know she has been affected by the disapproval of powerful men. And thinks our family reputation will be ruined. And there is no need for it.
But I like Sharon am determined not to let the molesters win by never charging them in any way with their crimes. My father would never allow me to talk about what happened, even though I came home from the mental hospital never to be the same again. My health had gotten broken in there, but I was determined my spirit would not be.
Sharon's younger sister turned on her over her book and was not supportive enough but she believes she was also a victim of rape, too. Sharon was the one the father targeted the most during childhood, so Bridget may even have suppressed her own abuse at his hands, did not remember it, even though her health was very affected. Such crimes are very hard on the family's ability to stay unified when the price of exposure is so high.
Which is why I had to review this book quickly and then move on. I will be sending it on to Utah for my sisters to read and my nieces. Any women connected in any way to child sexual abuse should read this book. It will help them in spite of its horrors this woman is so courageous in how she deals with it and eventually writes about it. I admire her courage and honesty and determination so much.
I read a quote in here that says, "Once there is child molestation that child loses their family, too" meaning that many family members are unable to endure the fallout of such a crime. And may reject the victims, too. As society may, too.

How do you act after a heart attack?

I called my son Gary last night at home to find out how he was acting. He assured me he was taking his 5 meds now. The pharmacy did not have his plavix prescription so he even called the cardiologist and had him call it in. He said he had prescribed it, but it disappeared somewhere along the line, but plavix is the medication he must take to keep the stent open and doing what it is supposed to do. He also has to take aspirin and three blood presssure pills. Gary also said that he had some chewing tobacco now as he is trying to quit smoking, and if he just can't stand the craving, he chews a little. He had not gone to work yet, but hired a mover because he has to be out of the house he and his ex wife just sold this weekend! He is looking at other houses, but will go to a motel and stay until he buys the house. He says for tax purposes he needs to put the money from the other house into another one.
He had to go to the office to get instructions from his boss who is going to be gone all next week. Gary does the bidding now, so won't have to work his body, just his brain. Although this may have been a problem because it is sedentary work compared to supervising a job out in the field where he walks all day.
He said a lot of members of the family called him which seemed to cheer him. I gave him the number of an older family member who has had 15 stents! He is in his late sixties now and still goes to work every day. Gary was 56 this year. Two of my uncles on my mother's side died of heart attacks younger than he is. They probably had high blood pressure, too, possibly inheriting it from their mother and my grandmother. My mother had low blood pressure even though she got heavy. And the slow heart beat of an athlete. But her heart beat got so slow in old age she had to have a pacemaker put in. I am learning more about the heart because of my son's attack, I must say. I am watching my diet! I hope he is able to change his lifestyle, too, after this sobering development.

Gary will be having catheter procedure at 10 am

My daughter Ronda drove 40 miles down and back from her home north of Phoenix to talk to Gary about the procedure last night. She had to ask permission to see him so late, but I was grateful she came down as he had asked for her when he first called saying he needed to talk to her. He hated to tell me he was having trouble with his heart. She will be working today and tomorrow a 12 hour shift at Doctors Hospital not far from there, and the same docter who will be doing the 'cath' does them at her hospital, too. She said she might have been taking care of him today had he come to Doctors instead of St Lukes. He of course did not know where she worked. He just went where the firemen would take him. He vetoed the County Hospital.
Raymond called me late afternoon yesterday and said he had also talked to Gary and asked him if he wanted him to come to Phoenix, and he said no. Raymond said he and Dan would be working on the space at Hills and Hollows this week where the second show will take place. He said he was getting more people in his acting class, so it was going well. I said after they saw the show they probably realized you were a professional. He said his youngest brother Dan (Ronda and Dan are the children of another father) has been a big help to him.
I talked to Dan yesterday and said I might try to go get some things he needed to my sister Linda's, but later in the day I talked to Dante's mother who had retrieved Dan's house key he forgot to leave for her, and so she agreed to go get the stuff. She is moving Dan's car to her apartment also. Dan needed a number off from his insurance card. All this moving around causes vital statistics to be forgotten and so on.
I had a long talk with Angelina about Dante, hers and Dan's son. She told me about disagreements she had with Dan about how to talk to Dante. She did not approve of Dante's video "Picking up Women" and said he got those ideas from Dan. She also said that Dan being the skeptic he is discouraged Dante from wanting to learn more about church thinking, but she told him that as long as Dante lived with her he would be going to church until he was 18.
She talked about her several year stint as a bartender when she became an alcoholic and said that Dan's behavior caused her to give up on marriage with him. I just listened to her, and if I disagreed did not say anything, as her feelings were running passionate and strong. I also told her that I did not strongly disagree with Dan either when his feelings were too strong. I just listened to him, too. I have often thought that Dan says stuff to Dante he might say to friends, but Dante is too young and impressionable and may not know how to handle what he says about women, etc. This is what Angelina was saying, that Dan's kind of kidding advice to Dante was 'inappropriate.' I thought she had a point, but I did not think that Dan was the most to blame for her working in a bar and becoming an alcoholic. She was fascinated with tending bar for some time I thouught, as she is a beautiful little thing and liked the attention. I told her a long time ago that she needed to get a day job which she has now, because if Dan had been like most guys, she would probably have been beat up by now, but he does not believe in beating women up for their choices, but he acted broken hearted when she became pregnant as a result of her extra curricular partying. I would rather see her by far work as a maid than work in a bar. She has two more children now besides Dante. I feared she would drive drunk and be killed!
Dante lives with her and sees Dan on weekends. So her feelings about how he influences Dante are important. I told her that I had talked to Dante about my years of abortion protesting, that I was able to talk about such issues around him, because he had been coming to visit me so many years, starting when he was not yet 2 years old. I would keep him a day and ask his mother to pick him up, sometimes all night, but he was such a wild little thing, I could not handle him longer than that. He was a handful! He would run away from me. I remember one time he climbed on the parapet up to the park and wouldn't come down, just kept jumping from one level to another and I could not leap like a mountain goat and catch him. I finally threatened to call his dad and never take him again.
I told his mother he needed Dan's strength to help control him, as he is athletic and hyper active like Dan was. Dan never stopped moving in the womb or when he got out. That's why he was such a good basketball player. I told his mother I told Dante to think about what to say in his videos, to think about what his issues could be. The dog bite one is an example of a very good one I thought that is now available on free kid videos on youtube. Angelina also said Dante was writing a book! (Just like his dad is) I will have to ask him about that today as he is here now visiting. We didn't get to the movies the other day, and planned to go today. I don't know if we will still go with Gary having trouble, but maybe!
Doc just called me to come down where he had a birthday card painted for Dante, and he wrote him a check for $28, double 14. I will post a photo of his card.

Son Gary in hospital with heart attack

Last night Gary had heart pain, and this morning more, so he went to the fire station to have his blood pressure checked which was 240 something over 140 something, and with the pain they took him right in to St. Lukes. He called saying they wanted to put a catheter up and access the damage and probably put a stent in but he did not want that done, so he called me to see if he could get ahold of Ronda, my nurse daughter, to see if that was necessary. He just wanted to go home and start taking his blood pressure pills which he stopped taking 3 years ago. I would ask him now and then if he was still not taking them and said his blood pressure was high and he needed to stay on them or he was risking heart attack or stroke. Just lately he had been working more than usual scouting jobs around the state, trying to keep the company in work. When he works in the office bidding, he does not get the exercise he does when he is out in the field supervising and walking around all day, so he has probably been doing too much sitting. He has been back in the office bidding about 5 months.
I didn't know if I could get ahold of my daughter Ronda who might be to work, so I called my sister Margie, a nurse, who had a heart attack and the catheter work and a stent put in. It was also discovered that she had a hole in her heart probably been there from birth and blood clots could go through and cause strokes. She had one pretty bad stroke some years ago, and it was not known then why, because she has never had high blood pressure and is thin. Anyway she called and talked to him, and he said oky, you don't have to say more, I will tell them I am ready to have it done!
I will let you know more when I hear more. I got a hold of my daughter Ronda who said she would also call Gary as she thought he needed the procedure done which is done on all patients who show signs of a heart attack damage. Gary said they said his did. As I have said in my blog before, Gary has a drinking problem, which can also elevate the blood pressure after enough years. Gary's been devoted to work, never misses a day, for anything, but has still abused his health. I have not yet talked to is brother Raymond, but did talk to my son Dan who will let him know. I talked to Gary the day of the play and he sounded in good spirits because his house had sold. He did not get symptoms until last night. He said he drank a beer and the problem eased up! But this morning it came back.

Westward Ho's biggest baseball fan on life support

I found out yesterday afternoon that this notable resident had a massive heart attack and stroke, and his parents reported him on life support. Bob has been a long time resident in here who was known for his devotion to the Diamondbacks. He called himself their number one fan and would wheel himself down to the home games at least once a week, as well as watching all the games on TV. You could count on him to remind you the game was on. Traits like this endeared this stroke victim to me in spite of his temper. He had a tough time at first of adjusting to life in a wheel chair and got into a fight a day it seemed sometimes. I remember one notable one he had with an older resident who was wielding a cane while Bob parried with a cane of sorts he carried on his wheel chair for protection. The hot tempered older resident was furious to think a younger one would attack him, but then Bob was more handicapped!
I remember he and I having long conversations about his recliner falling apart, as he could not sleep on a bed his limbs on one side were so frozen, so he was going to have to buy another lazy-boy which he said was the only kind he could sleep in comfortably. Then I had to contemplate how it might feel to never be able to stretch out on a bed again.
Bob suffered his stroke while he was a long distance truck driver and said he drove too many hours one time too many and paid for it. He would always take the blame for whatever he thought he was responsible for, and that was that, so let's get on with life and stuff like baseball you can still enjoy.
Bob loved to go out to eat to a cafeteria and he had just discovered the new cafeteria in the student dorm close by and said he went there as often as possible. It sure beat his home cooking.
I will miss Bob. I remember him always greeting Dante when he came to visit, from the time he was a little boy. Once when Dante was around six he greeted him after having not seen him for a while. He told me he said, "Haven't you got a hug for me? I thought you liked me." Dante quickly responded, "Not that way." Dante of course had been well schooled about hugging any men he could technically call stranger. In fact we had to quit swimming in the pool for a while, because an unstable resident just would not leave him alone and was so hot tempered I did not dare discpline him. Some people will act like kids have no rights. It is most disconcerting.
Anyway, Bob had a rare sense of humor and he laughed so hard at Dante's quick retort. Dante remained a favorite of his.
I had to go to bed the rest of the day when my actress friend Joyce who lived next door told me about Bob. He had learned she was kind hearted and when he fell down trying to go to the bathroom and could not get up he would pound her wall with something and she would call 911. She said that is what she thought was occurring this last time, but the paramedics took Bob away, never to return I am sure. She and I both knew Bob drank way too much. But he seemed to have cut back quite a bit because he wasn't having nearly as many fights. Goodbye, Bob. You were a tough fighter.