Friday, December 3, 2010

Tempting money and family conflicts

I am just thinking that this is the time of the year when my ex husband, Dean, disappeared into the desert above Los Vegas and it has been 5 years now and no trace of him has ever been found. Since he could not be declared dead without a body his SS and Union pension will continue to come into his bank account, but only after seven years can he be declared dead. It is not known by the family what government policy will be in his case. Will the government decide that he probably died when he disappeared and claim all that money back? In the meantime, my first husband's sons by me and two daughters with a second wife look at this money piling up with anxiety, and bad feelings and quarrels have begun to rumble over it. One daughter by his second wife had just gotten her name on his bank account over a conflict she had then with my son Raymond, who she thought took advantage of their dad when he was staying with him, to spend some of his money with him. My ex had no trouble spending his bank account by himself, but had decided to open a savings account, and this was the money he and my son Raymond dipped into while he was having treatment for prostate cancer. Raymond said he thought they should live it up a little, so his dad would not be so depressed over having cancer, which by the way was arrested, since it had not gotten very advanced. His daughter thought he took advantage of Dean's 'Alzheimer's'. If he had Alzheimer's, in my opinion it was not very advanced, so I don't know that her anger over this was quite warranted. As for his disappearing acts, he started that when we had only been married a couple of years. I called the police and all the hospitals. He continued to do that from time to time the rest of his life. That was one of his quirks when he got mad or even when he did not appear mad and just took a notion to drop out of sight a few days. And have people frantically trying to find him.
Anyway son Raymond probably thought he was entitled to some of this money he and his dad spent since his dad did not pay any child support from the time he was eleven years old, after my dad died and left me money, and his support money was only $60. I did not make him pay through the court because at the time I went to court he only making minimum wages and I thought he might be very upset if I put it through the court. When his second wife divorced him she asked for and got a much higher child support for their two daughters, I think around $400 or so, and she put it through the court, so he was afraid not to pay it, but she knew he was a union carpenter who made very good money, so I did not think this was unreasonable. My son paid a similar amount through the court for his two daughters when they were divorced, but he was also in construction and was a big equipment operator, so made more money.
Anyway by the time Raymond was 18, seven years after my dad died, Dean owed me $7,000 in back child support. I am thinking now this might be a good time to try to collect it, the only time Dean would have accumulated enough money. That is if the government lets the heirs keep it! I suggest that nobody spend any of that money until the 7 years are up, because they would all be hard put to pay it back if they spend it and the government demands it all back.
Anyway, I thought Dean added to the conflict by probably agreeing with his daughter that Raymond had taken advantage of him and spent his savings, even when he had a good time with Raymond while spending it.
Other people Dean might have owed money to also might try to collect out of this money. I heard that he did not pay the rent he owed to his sister. So yes, if she or anybody else tries to collect money they were not able to get from him while he was alive I see no reason why I should not try to collect my $7,000 too. I had to come up with the $7,000 out of my dad's inheritance which might have taken me further than it did if Dean had paid this small child support payment. He had gone back to Union wages, too, but I figured if I could not get $60 out of him, I would not be able to get any more either. I did not want to take him to court, and his sister probably didn't either to get her rent.
I just hope there is not a heck of ruckus when the 7 years are up wrangling over who gets what money. There is already a lack of civilized behavior going on between the two sets of kids from two wives.
I did not want to see this happen and have done my best to encourage them all to get along, since they have their father's blood in them. One girl was adopted, but Dean was her father from babyhood. The sister who has her name on the bank account is however Dean's biological daughter.
I, on the other hand, have another set of kids, too, by a different husband, and my two sets of kids have trouble getting along from time to time, too.
Well, my sisters and I are all from the same father and we have trouble getting along from time to time!
My daughter and Raymond somehow got into a conflict and when I finally said something to my daughter she hung up on me three times, so now I am not sure if we are still friends.
But rather she and I get into it than she and Raymond get into a fight they might have more trouble getting over. I think I can work things out with my daughter in a year or two. Raymond is now having trouble with his half sister from his dad and his half sister from his mother, plus he just came back from Texas so his girlfriend there is probably not too happy with him either.
Since he is on Facebook, as my daughter is or was, and I am on Facebook all our affairs are pretty much common knowledge. I was very shocked to find out my daughter also unfriended me by going off Facebook which would basically unfriend Raymond, too. I cried at first. But then I thought I am not the first mother who has been unfriended by one of her kids on Facebook I am sure. I have always thought Facebook was taking a heck of a chance by allowing mothers and daughters to befriend each other and thus be privy to each others' conversations they had not been privy to in years!
I am sure my daughter and I will talk to one another once in a while still as Christmas is coming up. We missed seeing each other on Thanksgiving due to illness.
I have been quite shocked on Facebook to come upon my 'friends' having a conversation that I did not know if I should even be listening to. I have also got involved in some heated political discussions and been told off proper by my 'friends' 'friends' on Facebook. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, anyway I have been up on Facebook to see if I can see any sign of Raymond but he has not been there this morning. My sister Margie called for help from her granddaughter on the family site this morning because she could not even get on her Facebook account!
Don't worry about my kids getting mad at what I am putting in this blog. Most of them would not read my blog for anything. So I am safe.
Raymond is the only one who reads it among my kids. My sister Ann is probably the only sister who reads my blog regularly.
Oh yes, I could have been getting $100 dollars more a month if my ex had died the ordinary way, but because he disappeared they won't give it to me, so there is hundreds of dollars right there I could have been enjoying I wont be able to for 7 years. I was told when I got his social security as a spouse for 10 years I could receive what he had been receiving if he died first.
Raymond, if you read this, call me. We need to talk.

1 comment: said...

I think you have every right to your share, after all you were the one spending your hard-earned with Dad wasn't easy. Let the debts be known.


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