Header Photo of night, the trees, and the thinker by Connie. My sister LaRae top photo.
I realized I could not get back to my memoirs without checking out the spirits to see if they have a message for me. I have been reading a book on reincarnation called The Case for Reincarnation by James Dillet Freeman written in 1986 who is a minister for the Unity Church of Christianity. This is only one of many books I have read on the subject. I have believed for long time reincarnation happens after we have spent a certain amount of time in the afterlife analyzing the life we just lived on earth. There is no use coming back without lessons learned thoroughly in mind. I know my restless spirit sister LaRae probably can't wait for reincarnation, right, sister?
LARAE: No, when it came right down to it I was not anxious to get back soon at all. Oh, it gets boring here some days learning my lesson but I know I have to keep studying everything that happened before leaping back into the fray. Besides I am expected to be a greeter for many since I was one of the first to go. People would be very disappointed if they asked for me and were told, "Oh, she couldn't wait. She went into her nth reincarnation."
GERRY: I was reading in this book tonight that we probably reincarnate with a lot of the same people since we are used to them and we may have been spending many life times trying to learn each others ways.
LARAE: I would not be surprised.
GERRY: I have been thinking of Tammy ever since I found out she died with illegal drugs in her system according to the autopsy. I heard the rumor and got it pretty much verified through law enforcement. How is she doing?
LARAE: I saw her as I came to visit you. She is upset. She wishes she had let nature take its course instead of taking such a high risk.
GERRY: You might ask our cop friends over there to keep an eye on the drug activity in this complex. I have heard rumors they might try to get a law passed to require tenants in subsidized housing to submit to drug testing.
LARAE: I will tell our cop friends.
GERRY: Of course the alcoholics and the over eaters and the smokers aren't helping themselves either.
LARAE: Nobody can afford to smoke any more. So cancer due to smoking maybe on the rise.
GERRY: I went to see an old friend in here yesterday. H. is nearly eighty and says she has lived long enough. She has cancer and looks like she won't be with us long. She said of course, I smoke. She has a pretty good attitude about death, though. She asked me if Pierre suffered a lot of pain.
LARAE: He is here with me tonight. Do you want to talk to him?
GERRY: Yes, he knows H. She used to come in every day to watch us play pool. She has been a resident here a long time.
PIERRE: Hello, Gerry. I saw you visiting H. She will soon be here with us. We are getting ready with a welcoming committee.
GERRY: I know she will be glad to see you. She always liked you.
PIERRE: I always liked her, too. She is one of the old timers.
GERRY: You must come back to the old hotel quite often. There are a number of older residents who would want to see you when they pass.
PIERRE: We try to be there for them. I like doing this for people. You know me, Gerry.
GERRY: Oh, yes, I know you.
PIERRE: When the time comes, I will be there for you, too. As you were for me when I passed from this realm.
GERRY: I see the bougainvillea blooming again in front of your apartment. It will always remind me of you as long as I live here. Have you been reading my memoirs?
PIERRE: Oh yes. I have been reading the history you wrote about me , too. Of course I did not tell the whole truth in it. I knew you wanted me to but I could not bring myself to do it while I was there. I don't even know if I can do it here. Yet. I understand why your dad was driven to deny deny deny. I have been going to school here. I need schooling in how to tell the truth.
GERRY: We only had circumstantial evidence. I needed my dad to verify that what I thought I perceived was the truth.
PIERRE: That's all you had when it came to what I was all about. What you observed me doing. I must admit I lied to you. I finally thought I should let you go, and then the cancer pain hit me so you stayed to help me go to the doctors. I know what I did wrong. I abandoned my relationship with you and went back to making men my main focus. You said if you do this we are done. I remember just shrugging. I said I was going to start going over there anyway, playing cards, socializing with the men behind closed doors. You said I know what you are doing, and this will be your sexual outlet now, talking dirty, saying fuck every minute. Giving the men their kicks.
GERRY: I could just feel your concentration on me going out the window. You switched to men again, starting with poker and dirty talk behind closed doors.
PIERRE: Yes, I see what Doc does that I stopped doing. We sang karaoke together for months. We played scrabble. We talked. We watched movies. You said we should fool around with the camera. I shrugged. I did not take your suggestion. Now I have had to watch you and Doc film hours of talking, acting, even singing. But I see what he is doing wrong, too. The drinking. He's hit a wall. He can't go any further with you and still drink like he does.
GERRY: No, he can't. He's either going to have to quit or die. I think he is choosing to die.
PIERRE: Stupid choice, but sometimes we men deliberately choose the wrong road. But if he chooses the wrong road, there will be a chance for me to come back into the picture. I will be ready.
GERRY: I had the most complete and enjoyable sexual relationship with you that I ever had with a man.
PIERRE: That was hard for me to believe, but I know it is true. I know now it is true.
GERRY: Doc chooses not to believe me.
PIERRE: I just had a bad habit. For the last ten years of my marriage I focused on men. She focused on women. She did not dare confront me on this. I said stuff to her about the women, but she never said anything to me about the men.
GERRY: She was probably afraid she would lose you as I did. I told you to choose. You chose the men.
PIERRE: Yes, I did. I thought it's time. I am bored with her. I was bored with you! That's a joke. That's a laugh. Let me go over here and play poker and talk dirty with the men.
GERRY: Later when you started suffering with all that pain they did not believe you were really sick.
PIERRE: No, I know what they thought. I was faking. You had gotten control of me again. My excuse was that my back was killing me. Oh yeah, right. I was just letting a woman tell me what to do.
GERRY: So as the pain got worse, they never even called to see how you were. Fine friends they were.
PIERRE: They punished me for quitting the cards. I didn't want to play cards. I was in too much pain. I had bone cancer but did not know it. They would not have believed me anyway.
GERRY: They thought I was winning. I wasn't winning. The pain was taking you. Death was going to win.
PIERRE: They did not call even after they heard I had lung cancer and it was terminal. Because you were in control.
GERRY: I wasn't in control. Death was in control.
PIERRE: I understand why you don't play pool with them anymore. They don't respect you. But they were afraid you might even beat them at pool.
GERRY: Pool player. I think of you as my pool playing partner.
PIERRE: My best pupil. You are a strategist. You could beat anybody given time. The master feared you might beat him, so he quit respecting you. Wouldn't play with you. I saw how he treated you.
GERRY: He wouldn't play pool with you and me. All those hours we practiced so we could challenge the master. He refused to be challenged. He just wanted you behind closed doors, playing poker not pool, talking dirty.
PIERRE: I didn't see his strategy then. That's why he was the master. He wanted to break us up. He succeeded.
GERRY: That's right. He was no where near the man you are, but he outmaneuvered you because you let him show his contempt for me.
PIERRE: I know. He made me choose between playing cards with him and you. I chose the cards, but it was really me choosing to do what he wanted me to do, leaving you out. It couldn't be pool because you could play pool. But you would not play cards. All those months we practiced, I chose the poker. I let him maneuver me. He was not going to play pool with a woman who is as good a player as you are.
GERRY: Now nobody plays cards with him. So he lost. Nor pool either. He is a master pool player, better than you or me, but together we might have taken him. He couldn't risk that. It was the unknown factor, how you and I would play as partners. What if we had beaten him and his partner? No, it was better not to take that chance. Better to refuse to play anything but cards. Nobody would let us play partners at pool, Pierre. We won too many times. Now he and T. are partners. They have been pool partners a long time. They are both real good. Masters.
PIERRE: He didn't live to have a woman like you as a partner. I guess I didn't either. A woman partner. We never got to show the masters what we could do, together.
GERRY: Beat them! No we never did.
Gerry and Pierre second photo. Gerry playing pool last photo.
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