Monday, June 14, 2010

I am not feeling so cheerful today

For one thing a very drunk Doc called me at 5:30 in the morning to 'git down there.' It seems he had been up most of the night drinking and making a video about his past with his fourth wife whose four daughters he helped raise for about 12 years. Doc can't do anything that causes him to get emotional without drinking. He wanted me to watch the video which was about 40 minutes long he was directing to one of his step daughters. He asked me what I thought and I told him I thought he should not send it to the daughter even should she give him an address because he was drunk when he made it and too mean in regard to his wife, their mother. He is going to think about my advice.
So then I said I needed to make a video because I am still contemplating a long hot summer spent in Phoenix, unable to go north by any means whatsoever to the summer musical festival in Boulder. I hoped to attend this summer since I have not been to Utah for three years, but I decided since I had begun to publish my memoirs on my blog about my early childhood this was not a good time to go. I am sure that some of the women I am trying to educate will not be happy about my memoirs if they have either read them or heard about them. I have already received enough unpleasant comments from relatives and friends about doing this, that I do not think this year or possibly any other year will be a good time to go. It is now even more clear why I could not tell about the molesting for so long and never told the family about the part I thought my father played in it until I was 58 years old, 50 years after the fact. I only did it then because my mother had surfaced a long suppressed memory about my father that half way suggested to her that she had caught him in the act of having sex with a man when she came back unexpectedly to their hotel room when she thought she would be away quite a while. But she was not all the way to this conclusion because she got very upset at my confirming her impression with my own memories and commanded me not to tell this story about my father to anyone else! Even after 50 years. She did not appreciate my efforts to educate her not only about my dad but about the man, an entertainer with a good voice, she was living with I also thought was gay. In fact, he had even admitted he was to two of us daughters, but asked us to promise not to tell her because he said our mother would not be able to 'take it.' Besides she was being very generous to him with her money, so he probably anticipated that would be cut off, too, if she decided not to marry him! We were trying to prevent her marriage to a gay man we also thought was too interested in our children with all our might.
Talk about educating old ladies like my mother about marrying gay men to protect her grand kids! This was what was really going on 50 years later that caused me to tell my mother about my impressions of my father whether she wanted to hear it or not! She lived with the man four years before, thanks to our revelations, she finally sent him on his way! No, not all homosexual men are pedofiles, but those who hide these activities in order to marry are more apt to go in other forbidden directions, too, is my observation. I will also risk getting homosexual men angry by saying this, but I am resigned to making a whole of people angry with my memoirs and having to hide out in another state, because that is apparently going to be the result.

1 comment:

Amrita said...

I am sorry that you are not feeling too good. The heat is getting to me too.

You gave the right advice to Doc.


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