Friday, August 20, 2010

I would not have believed the energy it takes to break up with someone

But energy is not anything I have to spare. I have long had a chronic fatigue problem and don't believe I will get back to feeling the best I can at this age until I do this tough thing. It is an awful wrench but have been feeling this coming on. I must use what energy I have left for my kids and grand kids and my writing. At my age, most are addicted to something and that is when energy is consumed just dealing with addiction, so if you are too close to a highly addicted person you are going to suffer a constant drain in energy because he is not going to be able to supply his share. I am addicted, too, and need to tend to my own needs.
Went swimming again today. This is so good for me. But a lot of people in here cannot work up the energy even to swim. It takes effort to get down there, but you know if you don't take advantage of opportunities to exercise especially in this heat you are just going to go down hill. I hate to see any person go into a scooter because I know they are very likely to get less exercise and probably weren't getting enough anyway. The pool is so wonderfully refreshing. A few more are going in since it was renovated, I hope enough to justify that expense.
My sister Ann is feeling bad because they had to close the school's big Olympic size pool probably not to open again. She says she already feels logy from not swimming. She has been a swimming teacher many years and taught lots of tots to bubble and breath. She will be able to walk in her town, but not in the winter. She says if anything causes her to move it will be that, looking for a swimming pool. She has lost her grand kids to a move, so she is without her little playmates and misses them like crazy, too.
I felt sad today. I met a woman on the elevator who seemed to be trembling with hunger. She had gone down to secure some food from the HUD coordinator. So I hoped that she could stop being upset over it. Fran keeps a good supply on hand for people who for whatever reason have run out of food and money. We have still got about 12 days to go until the end of the month. I was alarmed for this woman, but I think she is strapped by bills for a big TV. That is all the rage, a big screen TV and people are getting them and then not managing their money so they can still eat! I saw a woman in here who went to beg for food every month because she bought a scooter without going through medicare even though she qualified for one. But she had broken her hip and was too impatient to wait. I have heard quite a few sad tales from other disabled who mostly through mismanaging their money ran out of food. I always donate my poor people's food that I don't eat to the larder. Somebody can always use it.
I talked to people in the patio for a while this morning. That takes energy, too, as you are apt to hear about some disturbing stuff, like a grease fire in one of the apartments. Break-ups. Fights. A gal who moved back to Minnesota or Michigan forever is already coming back hoping to rent an apartment here. I wondered about her moving back there with winter coming on. This is the place to winter, not those two states!
I moved away from one tenant who was talking gloom and doom in a very loud voice. He thinks hundreds will be going to the streets! I hope not. Unemployment is up, he says, which I think it is. But we will probably be good for a while in here, which is something to feel thankful for. Lots of people feel a little poorer than they used to. I feel bad for them. All I can do is try to keep up with what is happening with the times, and hope that we will be able to work our way out of the lows.
I know all the illegals are nervous, not feeling so secure as they used to. But the good times for the illegals were bound to end with hard times here in the states, and the states feeling such budget shortfalls.
Man seems like a great experiment gone wrong sometimes, but somehow or another I have faith we will see what has to be done and will do it to get ourselves out of the hole. Even in the best of times some aren't able to keep from crisis, but in the worst of times, more feel the pinch.
Now I think I will read a little bit on my book, The Talented Miss Highsmith. This woman is a fright to drink. Nobody can put up with her very long. So she is always breaking up with her loves. Sounds like she got addicted in high school. I am so glad that I didn't decide to rebel by drinking and smoking. So many guys do. And some women. Guess I can put up with the bigger and bigger mess she is making out of her life and her health until I finish this book.
Smoking which might have seemed so glamorous to start with just gets to be an awful nuisance. You know, cigarettes are so expensive, people in here can't afford to smoke the rolled ones any more. Almost everyone I know is rolling their own. It's cheaper. They have gone back to the days of Bull Durham. Nor can they smoke anywhere here but a ways out from the building. Arizona is really strict and has put a high tax on cigarettes. Think, if you pay $5 a pack that is $150 for cigarettes alone a month and some smoke more. That is why the woman was trying to borrow money from Doc for an emergency bill she owed. She can't bring herself to roll her own and she is addicted.
I remember when Dante was begging his mother every day to quit smoking so she would not die. She finally did. I am sure she is thankful now. Three of my 4 kids don't smoke. Raymond had to quit a lot of times before he could finally stop. Gary had a heart attack and stopped smoking at his doctor's insistence but chews instead. He said it is too dirty a habit even for him, but he is addicted.
Green tea is tasting very good. I like it better than coffee. I bought a good supply. I don't put any sweetener in it and just savor the taste of tea.
I think Dante has started school in California. Jamal is back in college. Ethan is worried about what he's going to do when his mom starts her new job. Maybe he will be back in school, too. That's what's on my mind tonight. I need this blog to give me something to do as I am not yet recovered enough to write on my memoirs. It takes even more energy to do a writing project without getting reactions until you are done. You have to be able to motivate yourself.


LaRena said...

Yes, breaking up is hard to do. At any age really but at 79 one doesn't want to give up anything that gives them pleasure.

I'll bet Doc is missing you badly too, especially since he is reclusive. Still I think you have to conserve your energy to do the things you really want to do. These dog days of summer doesn't help the energy of the elderly. (Or anyone else for that matter.)

Hope you get feeling up lifted soon.

DB said...

Yes, move away from the down sayers. we are humans, we will survive.

Writing is good, Gerry, I myself have no trouble with it. If I lie down to rest my mind starts composing sentences or exploring ideas. And you can do it in spurts. Nobody is watcning until you press the "send" button.

It's not a bad way to live.


Anonymous said...

After Connie said we should call you the madhatter, I dream that I saw you with a big hat on, only one side of the hat was all drooped straight down. The other side was up. Maybe that half is Doc, and then maybe you had better be careful. If something happens to half of you...that is stroke signs.


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