Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Split from Doc


I have a feeling about this split, that it might be more significant than the others. Doc has deteriorated so much even since this photo was taken a couple of years ago. He looks good here, now he is beginning to look very rough. Especially his teeth. He has a very virulent looking gum disease and will do absolutely nothing about it. He seems to be waiting now for some kind of alcoholic near death experience.
He got very drunk during this transaction he made to a person who asked to borrow money. (a woman) She figured in another split. It seems that neither one of them could handle this without dramatics. I did not mind the loan but I did mind all the insults he gave me after he got so drunk over it all he could not think straight. Especially when this happened in the morning when he is usually relatively sober. He apparently drank until very late while completing this transaction. He was apparently surprised when I did not object to him loaning the money, so he proceeded to insult me every way there was in his muddled state implying I could not be gotten rid of and was probably just hanging around to inherit his stuff when he died.
The truth of the matter he only has about a couple of hundred more dollars in cash available to him and a lot more debt. I have none. So this is somewhat of a delusion on his part, but I have been feeling like I was in prison lately in this relationship.
I am going to persevere this time in a break. We will make some arrangements about using the camera which is part mine, but I had lost my interest in making videos. I felt I had said everything there was to say about our relationship and until he quit drinking, it was not going to get any better.
Since I have given him plenty of opportunity to do something about his drinking and he hasn't done it, splitting now seems the only option. So I went and got my breakfast things and will not be going down there for coffee and breakfast and chat.
He usually apologizes and starts calling when he has done something to bring about a split, but when he involves someone else it is more serious, more of a violation of whatever we have got. His handling of this matter made me feel he has lost his ability even to respect what relationship we have, and that is due to hard drinking nothing else.
I hate having to react to bad behavior in a grown man who ought to know better, but it has happened, so I must deal with it.
The woman is beautiful and about twenty years younger than he is, so this factor may have turned his head a little. I doubt she will be content to be his companion, but he knows that, but as I say no good thinking here. He was making a video of her when we had trouble before. I thought she was a great natural for the camera, but he was unable to persuade her to do much with the video. She was not used to being photographed. He probably had in mind making another video of her, could not resist.
I told him I don't care what he does, and I don't. I think he had gotten very bored with being left to himself because of his drinking, so in a way that led us to this point. In the afternoon I would go down and chat with people in the patio or I would swim. He probably got to brooding about that, but knew he could not handle public exposure. He is reclusive because of his drinking. He fears making an ass out of himself in public which is exactly what he would do if he was very drunk. The woman came to his apartment and he was probably so glad to see somebody he could not resist turning this visit into an interesting event, but not at my expense! I go very slowly in involving other men. I don't see them in my apartment and I don't let anything get started while I am still seeing him. I know that would upset him so I don't do it. But he crossed the line into heavy flirting and dirty talk in his apartment. Joking about her having to give him a blow job for this favor he was doing. But when you are drunk, you are not apt to see anything wrong with such vulgarity. He said it was just a joke. It did not strike me as funny. Doc thinks he can get away with just about anything. But I don't do this to him and I am not going to put up with him doing it to me.
I see this kind of excessive drinking every day. Alcoholics going after their beer or whatever they drink. Same story. Over the years I have seen an amazingly large number of men die in here of alcoholism. I have seen obesity kill quite a few, too, and cigarettes. There are also serious druggies in here, too, on methadone or ending up in comas. I think the women die of overweight more than they do anything else, which is a high risk for me, so I need to do everything possible to keep a good outlook so I can control my eating. We all have a precarious hold on our control at times.
I have been doing better the last while, cutting back on sugar, losing very slowly, and now able to exercise in the pool. If I can swim through the middle part of September at least, then it will start cooling off making walking possible again.
You have to hope when you split with someone this will bring about a good result eventually. So saying I am going to try to sleep now.

5 comments:

Have Myelin? said...

It sounds like you are looking out for yourself Gerry. Hard to do when you care about someone who is an alcoholic.

Am glad you are thinking of yourself.

Alcoholics have no power over alcohol but we cannot help them. We can however, help ourselves.

kanyonlandking-annk.blogspot.com said...

Sounds like he is to the point of being ruthless and you need to withdraw to keep from drawing fire.
Very few alcoholics know when enough is enough. I hope you won't be too lonely...and can go to movies with Dan!

Anonymous said...

Leave the S.O.B. No need to take
shit from a man....even a sober one.

FrankandMary said...

Sometimes our compassion needs a shutoff valve. ~Mary

salemslot9 said...

sad

especially, since you've
been complimenting Doc
lately on his cooking,
etc...


Herrad

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