Friday, July 31, 2009

Doc called all night and I went out to watch the pigeons this morning

I did not answer the phone. He has had to learn over and over that calling in the middle of the night is not appropriate. If his life is in danger 911 is who he should call. I have been spending time just watching the pigeons out in the patio. Everyone takes an interest in them, and pour water so the thirsty ones can survive in this hot weather with the pool down. Every being is just trying to survive!
So I hope I have gotten though stage 1 of the severing of a tie, the calls. My rough and tough neighbors served me well as Doc did not dare come and start knocking loudly on my door. He does not want to tangle with them.
My daughter said she did not know how I stood Doc up to now, but every child whose primary parent was an alcoholic could probably tell you why. You learn to analyze this parent on whom you are dependent for life for his weaknesses and strengths. I am very sure my dad would not have survived his massive problems had he not had 5 daughters all dependent on him and determined he should survive so they could. Which means that as an adult if you run into an alcoholic with similar strengths and weaknesses you will be drawn to them. Doc for example married several women who were having a great deal of trouble as single mothers alone with their children. So he would become a father figure even though I am pretty certain he was drinking every day even then. But the wives were grateful for his help when they had none. He was able to make quite a difference despite his weaknesses. He obviously had an eye out for single mothers in over their heads with problems with their kids.
He would however get tired of it all and as he is doing now used his drinking behavior to exit a situation that no longer inspired him.
Now is the time to make him live with the full effects of his alcoholism alone, since I now have acute alcoholic poisoning and can no longer tolerate him. He is not doing so well either, but it is do or die now for him!
And my job is to maintain a break. I have done all my plays. His alcoholism has prevented him from becoming a creative partner to the end of our lives. He cannot think well enough to carry the load of a partner. Drink drink drink all day long is not the way to do it.
When he wakes up, he will probably call, and then and only then will I answer the phone. I don't think that will be the time to go to his apartment and I will try to keep him from coming to mine. I will just try to get him to accept the fact that it is over. If I have to I will tell him I contemplated moving just to be sure this daunting task got done. So we have to figure out a way to do it here. He might leave himself, but I doubt it since he has nothing in St. Louis to go back to. In the meantime back to watching the pigeons!


Amrita said...

You just stand your ground Gerry

Paula said...

Beautiful header Gerry. Hang in there.

Rhapsody B. said...


You are doing the right thing. YOu cannot love anyone to the detriment of yourself. It's unfortunate that doc is unable to help self, its a sad state, hopefully somewhere along the way he will finally muscle the strength to lift himself by seeking help.

Take care and keep strong. Stay blessed and have a good weekend.

Have Myelin? said...

Good for you Gerry. You do have to keep your boundaries or you will go insane. No one can save him except himself.

He makes his choices and you make yours accordingly.

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