Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Outlaw personalities fitting into society: "Red cuts Snarl's new hose and sighons gas out of his truck" Act III-1

I am going to post the last 3 scenes of Act III of "Red and Dandy: Outlaw Love Story" starting with Scene 1 today. I wrote this play because I thought it was important to study the outlaw personalities which we have so often glamorized in the movies, but have suffered from when these rebels could not control their outlaw ways, and upset us and broke our hearts in one way or another. These men can include our dads who can involve us in the outlaw way of life so to speak from birth, making us still more susceptible to the outlaw breed of the younger variety.

So often the rebels and outlaws are endowed with personalities and talents that beguile us and give them a sense of power they never learn to control. I have pondered the reason why a guy like Doc clings to his outlaw personality personified by his drinking. He had to go to bed yesterday while it was still light, and I was still going strong and went home dissatisfied and let down because he gave out so soon. He is a crippled partner. But I think he became convinced early on that whatever he did was probably okay because he was so intelligent and talented he just could not do something stupid even if he tried. Wrong. Stupid is stupid. I don't care how intelligent you are. So I think what it comes down to is a rebel will have a feeling of superiority that causes him or her, there are certainly women like this, too, to think they can get away with anything. You might call this a 'spoiled' person who the people around them are unable to control even as children a lot of times.
I was the oldest child and had to take part in the controlling and disciplining of the younger children a lot more than I really wanted to. Why? Because I was too young and they would not listen to me. But I have found myself playing that role throughout life, getting involved with an obviously spoiled child and trying to help society discipline him. There would be need of this because the outlaw and rebel personalities can come into our midst and wreck great havoc.
We had two powerful personalities in this complex this last year who management felt had to be evicted their rebelliousness went on so long. Nobody really wanted to see them go, but they just could not stop upsetting people. One was older and one is disabled and life was not going to be kind to them in less protected environments. I knew they were going to have a tough time paying higher rent even, with the possibility of work remote. I have worried about what was to become of them, even though they both tortured me in their own ways. One threatened suicide. Oh, I hate that. I remember my second husband holding a gun to his own head most of the night years ago, threatening to pull the trigger. He had been drinking, of course. Even though I was pregnant and close to giving birth I told him the next day that I wanted him to either get rid of the gun or leave the state. I thought to myself he will have to go anyway after this baby is born. But I felt that I needed his support for the birth. Well, I barely got that and then I sent him on his way. As an oldest child, I accepted the fact that I would have to raise this baby by myself. His father was not capable of being a part of it. Gone. Alone. But he was too hard of a guy to live with very long, but I felt that what help I had given him would keep him from committing suicide at least. He had other older and younger children who have seen a lot more of him since. He is still alive and I do think I played a part in dispelling his determination to commit suicide just by caring about him.
Why did I get involved with him? He was a physical force you could not ignore. He was just too compelling, but oh so troubled.
There is no doubt that a person who wants to commit suicide has had severe trauma to deal with, but these people are some of the hardest to help. You can only do it so long, but still the help that they get is what is going to dispell their profound depression.
I kept trying to emphasize over and over to my second husband that violence toward others or aimed at himself was simply not the answer. He needed to stop getting himself into such a tizzy and calm down and try to think of better solutions. Alcohol, of course, impedes calm rational thinking, and should be avoided at all costs. My second husband certainly became a lot more stable when he gave it up.
One of the powerful personalities evicted from here is a gifted wordsmith which talent made him feel superior naturally. But accompanying this gift was also a tendency to needle people. Well, he needled one too many people, including the manager. I still can't have too much to do with him even though we could communicate via the Internet quite well. He still needles me. I just won't be needled very long.
I have had the hardest time convincing two younger sisters that at my age I won't fight and argue with them either when they 'criticize' me too severely or raise their voices to me. I am going to have peace in my old age. God knows we have fought many battles. But fighting becomes a habit people miss if they can't do it! Have you ever known people like that?
Well, they don't count the cost of a fight naturally, 'having words', disagreeing heatedly. Takes energy that I do not have.
One evicted man is now off the street where he landed in his extreme rebellion, apparently into a good recovery which certainly relieves me, but I don't know whether he will do what he needs to do to forestall anymoe of his suidical drinking. He is very gifted in fixing computers. He just has not learned to use them well. He's still too old fashioned in this modern world to use them to connect to people when he's on his own. What do people in isolation do? The computer was invented for them. This is how they talk to people! They have to send e-mails, blog, go on Facebook, whatever it takes to forestall isolation that can trigger off suicidal despair.
Men especially seem to have more trouble than women fighting the isolation that envelops them like the creeping crud. Doc. He wouldn't see or talk to anyone for days if it weren't for me. He will talk to the world every few days via a video, if encouraged at all. I encourage it because it keeps a talented man alive.
That other one, the wordsmith, still tries to control me via the Internet. I won't play games like Farmville on Facebook. I could not believe that he was chiding people to think of playing this game like it was supporting a health plan or something. Not. I don't have time to do that either. I have given up TV for heaven's sakes, because my aging eyes could no longer take it. I wont gamble on poker on the Internet. I won't even play scrabble on it, my favorite game. I am failing, little by little, departing slowly from this world in the natural way the aging go. So have mercy!


LaRena said...

A very interesting entry. You were certainly born with the responsibility gene. You sincerely try to help those you think need you. It is commendable to see if there are opportunities where one can project a new interest in life to the down trodden or discouraged. I have always felt someone comes into your life for a reason. Maybe it is a short season or long. You do your best to give encouragement to those who come your way as you have done with Doc. At the same time I think you do have to think how much energy you have to expend and where you want to use it.

I have felt conflicted about the glamorizing of Butch Cassidy and Sun Dance for instance. I was as fascinated as anyone, since it all took place right in my home place. Still they did some horrific things while they rebelled.I read a thin little book one time long ago written from the perspective of the mother of Mr. Parker. He surely broke her heart with his big determination to become an outlaw. Fame had to be part of their motivation.

salemslot9 said...

Gerry and Doc
take a bow
too bad it's
the end

Anonymous said...

Gerry, you thinking you needed to control your sisters came at a price to all of us. I think you tried to control our thinking more than behavior. I think Mother's love of men had a influence on her daughters more than we might like to admit, the unfaithful gene followed her down the line.
You go into great detail about your life and thinking but we all know if we were to disagree with you we would be into a big fight. o I have withdrawn from the fight as you say you have. Its only fair that each of us be allowed to be our own person, not all thinking or behaving alike. I hate fighting but I also hate always thinking that I have had to go along without a voice. Don't tell me that I have a voice and can disagree without a fight, it isn't possible.

Gerry said...

My sister Margie Ence has responded to a comment here, so I will respond back. The only problem is she might not see my answer as I have no e-mail that will reach her and can't put this on the family site. She very rarely reads or comments on my blog so I don't think she reads it most of the time. It is hard to keep up with sisters without some work. So it is no wonder we don't make progress on resolving old conflicts. If attention, phone calls, e-mails, etc, are too hit and miss there is no way it can be done. In this entry I did challenge sisters so expected to get some heated reactions. I have always thought sisters wanted to be friends, but when it comes down to it don't commit to enough time to do it. I made a contact with Darlene last night, who is Ron's first wife. She and I both have kids Ron fathered which is our common bond. During the course of the evening she sent me 4 e-mails with photos and her telephone number. I called her on impulse and she was at her work computer. She works out of her home at 67 years old, is a supervisor in 7 states of the foreign student exchange, been doing this for 25 years. I also sent her a link to Dante's dog bite video and she watched it and sent back a reaction. We discussed the weightiest of subjects, including molestation, our relationship with Ron and his 3rd wife our kids, oh and she also has chat on Facebook and I talked to her earlier in the day online on chat. She told me to call her anytime and she would soon be in touch. I felt somewhat overwhelmed by this woman's approach to friendship. Well she's fast, there is no doubt about that. My sister Ann is a constant and tireless communicator also, now blogging, and e-mailing most every day. We don't talk on the phone because her husband objects. I don't call Margie either because of she is also married, and if I think calls might annoy a husband I dont make a habit of doing it.

Gerry said...

I did not get through responding to my sister Margie here, but anyway we have always had touble just sort of seeing eye to eye, and only a year apart we used to quarrel quite a bit just over doing houseshold tasks together, etc. So our adult relationship seems in many ways not got too far beyond that. We would go a lot of places together and have fun, aftr we had disagreed, but wow, the ins and outs of such a relatonship can be extremely hard to sort out. Sisters have to be deteermned not to let quarrels and disagreements spoil the relationship. If there is not much of a relationship there, then someone is not doing much with it. This is what bothers me. Do you want a relationship with a sister or don't you, or do you just want distance and not much? I maintain a sister relationship is always worth pursuing with regular contact. And a resolve to get along.

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