Monday, January 11, 2010

Dealing with the dysfunctional

I have been thinking all night that I am going to have to go file an incident report on my neighbor for pounding on my door early in the morning a few days ago and then hollering at me. I didn't answer the door since he sounded very hostile. I felt I had done nothing to him so I did not know what this was about. When I went out he had left a note on my door written on an incident report paper which was about me, except I don't think he filed it, I just think he left it on my door to make me think he filed it. The note included a line that says "I want the bitch out of my life." Meaning me! The more I think about it the more I think this man is becoming dangerously delusional. I live directly across the hall from him at the end of a long walk from the elevator down one of the branches in this building. I am apt to see him all the time as we face each other when we come out of our apartments.
Also the day my daughter was here with me when I had my cataract surgery last Wednesday, we came out of my apartment talking and walked down the hall to the elevator. We got in and before it could close S who had apparently come out of his apartment and ran down there caused it to open and said something to us about talking too loud outside his door! My daughter wanted to know what that was all about and was he dangerous. I said well so far he had not said anything nasty to me, but that was before this note a couple of days later. Up to then he had acted like a southern gentleman. I even told him that I had told my daughter he had always acted like a southern gentleman to me, and he said, "Always."
Now two days later he has called me a bitch and in this long rambling report he says I am a busybody and am entirely too interested in his comings and going at night! That is a very fast change of tune. He is the one who talked to me about his comings and goings one night. I was not perturbed by them nor did I say anything to him about them. He seemed to be trying to explain them, but I told him I did not hear too well and had not heard what he said he did, people going up and down the stairs, people overhead making a noise, pounding, etc.
I also said to him that he seemed to have very keen hearing (much keener than mine) expressing annoyance at my daughter and me talking outside his door. I explained to him that I had just had cataract surgery that day and might not have been as quiet as I should have been, since I was a little strained. Hardly anyone visits me in my apartment. I always meet them outside and go somewhere with them. She had not visited me in my apartment for months, and now this. If she knew what S has written on this note since I know she would be alarmed as she saw him and how he was acting. I don't want to upset her, but I have told my son Raymond. He said he does sound like he is on drugs and for me to be very careful interacting with him.
Despite my telling him I was in the process of cataract surgery he puts this incident report note on my door, hollers at me, and pounds on my door two days later! He also says in the report note some woman he also named is telling everyone he is on drugs.
After thinking it over I have decided he is losing it and I had better report this incident since I have heard nothing about him filing it with management. I am pretty sure they would find his language in the note inappropriate to be leaving on my door. The whole purpose of an incident report is to go through management rather than trying to interact with the offender yourself. He should not have left that on my door with that kind of language in it. That is not the behavior of a southern gentleman!
I will take the note down and show the HUD coordinator as I can't make a copy of it. It seems that I inadvertently told my son Dan I did not know what Agfa Snap Scan was and he deleted means to use it. I did not realize that was my scanner since I was not looking at the word, so now we will have to go on line probably as the guy in here had to do who sold it me. Oh it's great to be old. I just hope I am not thinking too far out of reality.
I think my neighbor has already done quite a lot of disturbing things since he moved in here six or eight months ago. Believe me he is accumulating a history. If someone tells me someone is on drugs, I do not report it as that is hearsay. I try not to get involved in catching people on drugs. I feel that has to be someone's job besides mine.
I didn't say anything about the woman I was told sold Jack her heavy painkiller for months before he started drinking and had a complete meltdown. If you sell drugs illegally to a bad alcoholic trying to stay sober, you may help kill him. This same woman was looking for S a few weeks ago, so I wondered then if he was not looking for a connection. Also another woman long reputed to sell drugs was looking for him, too, the very same day. This was when I was talking to him quite a bit out in the patio and he was acting more normal. I told him these women were reputed drug dealers, and impulsively asked him if he was on drugs. He must have decided he better not be having them knocking on his door, as I have not seen them but once or twice knocking on his door since. I did not mean to ask him anything about whether he was taking drugs but I was still recovering from my upset over Jack's complete meltdown and finding out he was taking drugs as well as drinking. At that time I didn't know if he was alive or dead. He has completely disappeared again so I don't know now if he is alive or dead. When you see someone every day for years and he is succeeding for a long time in staying sober, and suddenly he is gone due to substance abuse, it really makes you sad. I think taking drugs was the fatal trigger to his drinking. He had been told he would die if he drank and he nearly died before he was evicted.
Anyway, S must have been holding that remark against me, asking him if he was on drugs, and since this other woman is now telling everyone he is on drugs he was maybe taking some of his upset with her out on me. He had volunteered the information to me some days ago that some woman was calling him day and night and knocking on his door and he had a restraining order against her! It might be the same one. So you can see he is not too stable and has a far more active love life in a place like this than might be prudent.
After I explained to him why my daughter and I might have been talking too loud, he said she was cute, was she married?
Actually I have not even sat down and talked to S since it got cold. I have just confined my remarks to him in passing him in the hall.
He also told me last summer another mentally ill woman in here had cut herself because she said he did not love her. I saw her limping around out in the patio with bandages on her legs and arms. I knew he was involved with her for a short time. I knew all this action with the women in here was probably going to unhinge his mind if nothing else did. I have done my best not to get involved in all his drama but it seems I have not succeeded. S has got me a lot more involved than I really am. He is quite a good looking guy, about 39, so I know some women would chase him no matter if he was a complete paranoid schizophrenic!
But he is 40 years younger than I am, and I do not allow myself to think romantically about such young guys. So his thinking I am taking such a great interest in his comings and goings is not true. I have three sons, both older and younger than S. I know better than to say too much to them about their romances, too. But I am not afraid of them either, if I think they need to be talked to about some of their behavior. I mention their drinking to them as often as I think it will do any good. If you become afraid of your own kids, you just as well hang it up as a mother.
I feel really sorry for some of these mothers whose sons have become mentally ill and maybe dangerously delusional. Some parents do have to live in fear and have to think like their kids are the enemy if they are to survive them, sometimes. There have been other guys living in here who I think were dangerous. So there is always that development to think about, too. I am not sure how dangerous S is becoming.
I think however that a guy like him can become even more dangerous if he is just ignored and we all scurry around like frightened rabbits in here afraid to say boo. Doc told me I should never have talked to him at all in the first place. I said I am not going to let a guy like you who holes up in his apartment all the time so he can stay drunk tell me what to do. You are not a good example! Why, I am probably down right foolish to be associating with you, too. He said that was probably true, too. Besides I would probably go crazy if I could not talk to anybody. My choices in here are not the best. As a lot of the mentally ill who are considered not dangerous are housed here. So your guess is probably as good as HUD's as to how dangerous they really might be. Some people are safe as long as they dont abuse substances. Substance abuse may bring out the worst in them, which is why drinking and drug taking in a neighbor is a concern.
Well, I have vented to you as I pace the floor. That's probably safer. I will let you know how things go. These younger guys try to intimidate you and scare you, but such behavior tends to get my ire up. I don't think it is ever a good idea to allow ones self to be intimidated into not reporting inappropriate behavior.


madcobug said...

By all means you should report this. Helen

Pamela said...

Definitely report this. Stay away from that crazy man!
Pam said...

Report him. He is definitely acting more crazy. It will also help out with others who decide to report him too. Band together!
Will you be writing your story in your apartment, do you think? We do have a lot to do.

Connie said...

The incident needs to be on record,especially your side of it,so it can't be said you twisted the facts afterwards. I worry about people living in apartments all it takes is one person to fall asleep with a cigarette,or a forgotten pot on the stove.
I pray for you and those living this way. Someday I will be in the same situation and will probably worry myself sick.

Nelishia said...

Report him and write down the incident that happened the other day with you and your daughter for your record and theirs. They'll make you a copy when you go down there. They need a 'paper trail' of incidents to boot him out potentially. I'll bet if he's that delusional, then you're not the only object of his attention. Please be aware of who's around you at all times and you did right to not open your door. Maybe 911 next time.

Paula said...

Be careful Gerry.


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