Monday, September 14, 2009
Chronic fatigue keeps me practically bedridden for a week
I hate when that happens as I always like people to be able to rely on me, but Jack's eviction and his condition afterwards was enough to send me into that week of mourning manifesting in extreme fatigue. Now it was alcoholism pure and simple on his part. Everyone has a different pattern of drinking, and when Jack started drinking you would want to run for the hills. I don't really blame management for his eviction. In fact, if anything they might have waited too long on his last binge. I thought he was about five days from death then and it turned out that he developed a raging case of blood poisoning from infections due to his scrapes and cuts while drinking and would undoubtedly have died if they had not caught it in time and treated him for 11 days in the hospital.
Now I have found out that the cause of his second inexplicable meltdown was getting the news that one of his kids had died. Well, that's a big one, so now I can sort of understand a lot better why he stumbled again after so many people had rallied to try to help him sober up. Jack has lived here ten years and a lot of people felt they had a connection to him. That was the kind of guy he was. But I think he thought he was superman or something. Not even he could come back from such heavy bouts of drinking without being evicted, rendering him homeless, and hardly even able to cope, which at the time seemed like it might be a death sentence.
I have not heard what happened to him, but I hope he is on the road to recovery somewhere rather than dead.
In the meantime I was going to have a period of mourning, inevitably, for the kind of person he was when he was sane and sober. I always paid tribute to him for that. He kept the monster at bay for five years. And I could see at times what a struggle he was having to do it.
Which tells me we can never stop studying alcoholism which has a grip on so many people.
Then on top of that I had to poison myself with my own out of date food. I have learned my lesson about eating out of date food I hope. I drank just milk yesterday and finally ate a little bowl of oatmeal last night. I am going to have to be careful what I eat for a few days, but I am pretty much recovered.
I eventually have to tell people that if I disappear for a few days that just means I had to take some recovery time for something. My chronic fatigue is connected to probably scarlet fever in childhood as well as an inordinate amount of stress due to my Dad's drinking and coping with molestation by two of his hired men. It compromised my stamina and would start manifesting whenever the stress was extreme. This was undoubtedly my body's way of saying limitations had been reached as to the stress a human can stand.
The fact that too little is known and understood about what different kinds of extreme fatigue can mean can be very dangerous. The worst thing that can happen when you are already compromised is to experience extreme stress from some new source. This you try to avoid at nearly all costs. It's like having a car accident when you are already very sick. So when I am in quite a long period of recovery I try to avoid any new stresses like the plague.
Everybody comes to understand the fatigue pattern that goes with their own diseases and health conditions as with MS and diabetes. Any disease is going to involve fatigue. Serious fatigue. That is the body manifesting limitation. It's saying, "you can't do this any longer without rest." Whatever it takes, retreat, distancing to relieve the demands on the body to react.
Just because I don't know the exact point of origin of my condition, I have had a time with doctors. I am better off treating myself. I have talked to quite a lot of people who say mono started all their problems with chronic fatigue. Mono is their point of origin, even when doctors were saying there was no medical evidence of it. That just means they have not researched it, and are not likely too as long as a great many more people are sick with something else. AIDs, diabetes, alcoholism, cancer, heart disease, these are all conditions about which a great deal is known because so many people have these diseases attention must be focused on them. So I had to be content with the idea that there were mostly no answers about my condition, just speculation. But I remember whining to everyone for months, "What do I have? What could this be? Surely I am not the only person in the world to be knocked out for two years and not know what it is!" This was when I was having some long terrible bout of it that never seemed to end. Chronic fatigue for months, which is why I had to seek disability. I finally figured out that work was doing it, something in my body was burned out, so if I worked very long I'd soon be running on empty. Oh, it gets difficult at times being your own doctor. But I figured that is why God gave me a brain, to figure out what was mysterious, and what about it was real and what wasn't.
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