Monday, December 22, 2008

2- My exH beat me up for being fat and ugly

I could not believe that putting on weight would bring on such abuse from my exH who drank and smoked. He would call me 'fat ass' constantly even when my weight gain was very gradual, and then this became part of the reason, I was sure, that he would threaten physical violence and sometimes carry it out. I put on about 25 pounds the ten years I was with him. I told him that his ugly behavior while drinking did not inspire me to stay a perfect size 10. In fact it caused me to eat for comfort after he had terrorized me when drunk. This got to be our pattern throughout our marriage. My exH never put on a pound of weight but could not acknowledge that drinking and smoking was every bit as bad as overeating. He had a much worse temper than I did, which he invariably lost under the influence. Then I had to wonder if I would survive the night. I guess I was digging down to some of these memories in these videos with Doc, trying to get at the reasons I started putting on weight in the first place.
Alone and poor with two kids to raise since I hardly got any help at all from him, I put on more weight over the years. I never really trusted men again, although if a BF threatened physical violence I soon sent him on his way, as I had to do with the father of my next two children. I vowed I would never tolerate the physical abuse I did in my first marriage, no matter what I had to do. I virtually raised my last two children alone. Such experiences caused me to distrust men and relationships to the max. But I never lost my desire to have children who I enjoyed more than any people in my life. They made all the struggle worth it.
This might not seem like a Xmas video, but it is funny and true. Now is the season that so many overeat. Maybe this video will slow the overeating down a little. Ha. I hope so.

1 comment:

Paula said...

I'm sorry you had to put up with this abuse Gerry. Women can sure get themselves into some bad situatons which seem to have no solution at the time. Merry Christmas to you and Doc and may your New Year bring you much happiness.


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