Down with the flu

But it has been a hellish week at the Westward Ho. Sometimes the inmates of our asylum go on the rampage and there is nothing we can do but try to ride it out and hope they don't kill themselves. I would call it a relapse into their worst nightmare. I have dealt with quite a lot of suicidal males in my life starting with my father. We kept trying to talk him out of it, but his older brother did manage to kill himself. My second husband held me and our little girl hostage all evening while he held a gun to his head threatening to kill himself for hours. He finally got so frustrated with his inability to pull the trigger he went to the door and shot off several rounds. I figured something dramatic and very bad would happen if cops were sent to investigate, but since we were living in a gun town nobody did. He assured me that I was in no danger, but I did not feel safe, and a few months later I sent him on his way for the last time. Suicide is an act of violence and it is going to hurt anyone who is close to this person. I would soon have another child by this man but he was never to see this child but twice while he was growing up.
This man kept asking me for a date in my waitress job at a truck stop. I told him he sounded like a drunk and declined, so the last time he asked me and I said no, he said he had just quit his job as second driver and if I did not go out with him he would just go on ahead a kill himself.
I thought, wow, this man is really desperate, I guess I should take a chance and talk to him a while. He soon went on to other things besides suicide including singing all the songs of Johnny Mathis. He had a high voice and sounded just like him. He could imitate a lot of singers. Sing just like them. He said it was from hours of driving truck, listening to the radio, and entertaining himself by singing along. Well, you know me, I am always trying to discover a star.
This guy was actually one of the biggest extroverts I have ever met. He was also a fighter. The knuckles in his hands were pushed back in from hitting people, and at only 28 years old, his four front teeth had been knocked out. I thought no wonder he wants to kill himself, and a few months later after my father unexpectedly died and left me money I bought him some new dentures. I saw him not long ago and he was still wearing the same dentures. He did go from being a kind of bizzare looking guy, I told him he looked like wolfman, to a pretty good lookng guy. Since he was 7 years younger than I was, I figured he would find all kinds of girlfriends if I bought him those teeth, but I did not let that stop me, and he did find them. Even his first wife called and asked him to come to her and their 2 kids, and he went from a new baby with me back to her who then had a new baby,
This guy had multi problems, and I figured I might have saved him a few times, but I got tired of him rattlng my nerves, and I had to move on.
One's capacity to deal with violence diminishes in time and you are going to withdraw. Knowing that whatever you could do, you have already done, and now it is time to move on.
So I am just trying to get better. Raymond called and said he would be coming in from Los Angeles today or tomorrow. So we should have a good visit. I am excited about my new play series on Youtube. It is more entertaining than it looks. In the next scene Blue brings his space ship in close so they can visit it. But they have to wait for an outlaw and a government agent from Utah to ask to go for a ride. Now mind you these are real people that I knew who had special feelings for my sister LaRae. The outlaw is already dead. He was a frightening character who was so hard on my nerves I had to give him up too. I was not able to dent his criminal mind at all, and that is enough to give up on somebody, or you might land in jail! It could be embarrassing.
I also saw some wonderful news in the paper today. The Arizona Theater Company is doing not one but four new plays this season. This is a first. I plan to write to the director today and suggest he might want to look at "Blue." Think of the publicity he could get doing a new play by an old lady living in the Westward Ho she put on Youtube. Course Theater Companies have to think of their reputations, but this director seems to have broken out into a new freedom mode. So it is worth a try.