Getting through Saturday with Madame de Stael

I was practically holding my breath, knowing members of my Utah family were driving from St. George to Los Angeles to see Raymond's play. I called my niece Cheryl beforehand to wish her a safe trip and to tell her I thought it best that we relatives coming from other states should not converge on the scene the same weekend. Doc and I will be leaving next Saturday on the Grayhound bus to go to Raymond's. He has instructed me to ride the fast transit down to the bus station this week to see if we have to walk any distance. As DB says in his entry this morning in Vagabond Journeys success is in the details. If that is the case, Doc will get us there thoroughly briefed, prepared, and on schedule. Pam, our nurse blogger who lives in an LA suburb, suggested that we have dinner together before the show, but I may opt for just meeting her to the play and talkng afterwards as Doc has not been out and about for years and I can't guarantee how sane he will be. I have tried to take him to the theater or even to movies and he invariably gets up and leaves before the show even starts. This is, of course, alcoholic behavior, which at this point in time cannot be altered, but rather dealt with in order to make this trek to California. Raymond understands and will stretch to accomodate him no matter what condition he is in.
I was comforted yesterday reading Madame de Stael by Francine Plessix Gray to learn that a good many otherwise sane and even brilliant people of her time got addicted to the opium that came from India, discovered by the British to be so useful in so many ways, until it was learned that it was also dangerously addictive. Her own brilliant mother, married to her very wealthy Swiss father, became addicted and could not get off from it until her death. Voltaire and Dickens were famous writers who dabbled in opium. I am reading that even Madame de Stael may have tampered with it. God knows she had enough upset to contend with, with the French Revolution and the killing of so many royals to say nothing of her friend, King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. Napoleon did not like a pushy intellectual woman like Madame de Stael, so she was lucky he did not kill her.
Madame de Stael was known for her marathon conversations. She would keep whatever man she was with at the time up all night talking until they wearied. Some even sickened and died trying to keep up with her. The author thinks now she would surely have been diagnosed as bi-polar with her manic behavior, but I don't know as that would have done her any good either, being diagnosed I mean.
I was also intrigued to read about her relationship with a brilliant fellow named Constant who brought out her talent for scintillating insights as no one else did. Now Doc is that man for me. His knowledge of the arts and his appreciation of a black sense of humor has made him indispensible to me, if I was ever to get my plays produced at all! He has helped me to put them up on Youtube in series, three plays I thought best lent themselves to a two actor format. I was able to give him improv privileges since it is impossible for him to memorize given his alcoholic intake. He still retains enough of his native intelligence to do that fairly well, but he becomes very irritable if directed at all. So the way I critique his work is to reject videos I don't like until he figures out how to act in one I do.
I figured I could not wait any longer to find a better set up to do my plays, at 78 years old. He was it, so I have had to learn to work around his addiction. My own partial disability hobbling me for years was a handicap in doing theater the normal way. (See blog list: GerryKing40 channel featuring the first episode of Aunt Santhea)
Now Doc loves his success such as it is, and since I am the source of it, I do not believe he will give me up until he dies. He surrounds me with attention that will keep me from straying despite any aggravation with his limitations.
But I am addicted to food, as can be seen in my body shape quite easily in my photos and on my videos. Battling with that for years has taught me how hard it is to conquor any addiction once it is deeply entrenched into the psyche. It becomes a less than ideal way of surviving. It is comfort! So addiction continues to confound me as I read Madame de Stael for any answers she might have, who was known for her brilliant reasoning power and refusal to be stifled no matter the cost! A woman after my own heart.

Consult ghosts around you in hard times

I just got through reading a book by another medium called "Ghosts Among Us" by James Van Pragh who is associated with the TV show Ghost Whisperer, which is based on the mediumship of a woman. He, however, was one of these relatively rare human beings who saw the ghosts around us as a tiny child and just thought that everybody did. In all the medium stories I read the psychic does not usually find out for a number of years that their gift of seeing ghosts among us is unique rather than a common occurence. I know I was gifted to a certain extent with psychic powers and what I am picking up is the activities of ghosts or spirits around us gathering to help us through these hard economical times, when some are going to feel worried to the breaking point.
Going into hard times is in a sense like making a transition into another sphere, and everyone feel very worried that they will not be able to take the strain and worry of making ends meet, especially when the breadwinner loses a job, something really serious. In that case, I would say alway pray very hard for help, and pay close attention to direction about the best thing to do.
I am trying to get ready to go to the other world, so that the transition will not be too traumatic. This is somewhat like preparing for the worst of times as we hit bottom.
I am sure our new president elect is praying very hard that he will be able to cover all bases in making the citizens feel reassured that all that can be done is being done by our leaders. I am reassured that he is asking a variety of good eperienced people to fill the important positions, so the upcomng transition between an outgoing and incoming president seems to be going well.
My daughter just called me and said that she is so busy finishing up the last demands of her nurse training she has no time to shop and cook Thanksgiving dinner. I don't look forward to the eating of the turkey as I used to. Now I think live turkeys like these beautiful ones I photographed to the state fair in what was called the turkey stampede. I feel quite satisfied that I won't be eating any of them and am perfectly willing to scale down to a few vegetarian items for Thanksgiving, including a delicious fruit salad I always make.
Doc and I started a new series this morning, and we enjoyed it so much we did six segments and watched them. The morning flew by. Even though the series subject is kind of grim, we still laughed a lot. Doc has a black sense of humor that serves him well with tough subjects. If only. If only. I find I can put these subjects on Youtube and get a little action.
I am content on blogspot. I want all the journalists to get their rest whatever they do, as we need rest in hard times. We need to settle down to a round of journals we can do comfortably even if we don't travel fast or often to many blogs Health comes first. Then we do what we can and should not feel guilty about what we can't do. I told my daughter she must fight not to feel guilty about passing on cooking her usual big Thanksgiving feast for her three brothers and mother and aunts, cousins, whoever. Her brothers feel no guilt when they don't cook. I try to cook a supper for Xmas eve once a year and that is my limit. I stopped doing Thanksgiving when it got too stressful. I know we will see my daughter at Xmas when she is all through of her studies She is worried because nobody has called her about her job. Let her just put it in the hands of the ghosts around her and they will find the perfect job for her to begin her nursing career.
As for me, I got a message from my spirit mother in the thrift store with three beautiful cards to give to my 3 sisters still living. They are so her they will recognize the message is from her immediately That is what you look for, little touches that tell you a spirit who loves you and wants to help you is trying to get in touch. Like Pam, if she tunes in, she will receive a comforting message from her mother who has manifested her spirit to her once already, and is just waiting now to help her adjust to a new job. She wants to help her get over a feeling of being lost. Crashed. The spirits around me say they have this message for Pam. Tune in to your mother every time you get too low and she will talk to you about many things and relieve your sense of stress and being too alone. You are not alone!

John Edwards gets messages from those who have passed

I decided that since we have a long day and night ahead of us on election day, it is a good time to talk about what happens when we die. John Edwards who you have probably all seen on a TV program called "Crossing Over" has a book out called "One Last Time" which I read yesterday with intense interest. I do intend to come back, so I want to find out as much as I can from these mediums on how to do it. He says that when those spirits who have passed find out their relatives are considering going to him so they can deal with the agony of their deaths some of these spirits immediately start contacting him from that side. They have even come to his house and woke him up with messages they want him to give to their suffering loved ones.
John says one of the most notable and persistent ones during his years of mediumship was a 16 year old teen named Andy who was killed in a bike accident. His parents were so devastated they could hardly function. Andy went to a lot of trouble to provide signs to them that he was okay, he was hanging out with his grandfather and other relatives. I could hardly believe the urgent messages he gave to John, waking hm up out of s sound sleep. He also says another spirit he saw quite a lot of was a 3 year old boy who drowned in the backyard pool when his parents took their eyes off him a moment.
That story was so sad. His mother dropped something made of glass on the floor and was very intent on getting up every sliver of glass so her 9 year old and 3 year old would not step on it. Ironically while she was beng so conscientious, she lost her focus momentarily over the whereabouts of the 3 year old. When they went to find him, they discovered him face up in the pool. They had to turn off life support because it had been too long and he could not be brought back. According to John, this was a shock to the boy as well as to the Mom, but his mother felt so guilty and responsible she just could not recover, so John said this boy came to him for a number of years requesting help. He would get a glimpse of him here and there. He became a familiar sight. Finally after quite a few years, John said he and the boy Mikey agreed that it was time to move on, the parents had somewhat recovered from this tragedy in their lives.
John said that was why he became a medium, because some deaths were so devastating that family members were in danger of going down, too. Which seems like quite a good purpose for being a medium. John said he came from a big Italian family with a number of members interested in psychic phenomonon including his uncle and his mom. His mom died quite suddenly, as my last companion did, of lung cancer which had of course been progressing quite a while without her realizing it. He said she told him that she would return to give him a sign she was all right. And this was how she did it. He dreamed that he saw her in a purple coat she had had for quite a few years. This dream caused them to look for the purple coat which they could not find. It had just disappeared. Some time later he happened to have had contact with a dry cleaner his mom sometimes used, who said, "Oh, by the way, I have something for you." He handed him a package with the purple coat in it. He said, "Your mom paid for this coat to be cleaned and then never came to pick it up, so here it is!" Albeit unconsciouly, he thinks his mom realized the purple coat was still in the cleaners, so she came to him in a dream wearing the purple coat which called it to his attention, causing a search, and then eventually he was inspired to go to the cleaners who had it and gave it to him, just so he would believe even more strongly that she was in really in contact with him.
I have often had dreams like that through the years. He said that those who have passed on have to figure out a way to send such signals, so that family members will believe contact has been made with a spirit. Or they will get the warning message, whatever the loved one wants to tell them. After I read this book, last night I received a visitation from Pierre, probably because he died of lung cancer just as John Edward's mother did. It was the best visitation I have had from him since he died. He said he was very grateful for all the help he received from me when he was dying and he wanted to repay me. He said he would be there when I passed over. I recalled that ours was the best sexual relationship I ever had despite the fact he was a bisexual, because he was kind. So we talked quite a long time about the bisexual aspect of his personality, which I knew had drawn him to me because of how I talked about my father who I also thought was bisexual. It was something he could never have talked about to his family as they, being religious, so highly disapproved of homosexuality that he did not think they could handle it. In fact, he said that was why he always lied about it because nobody could handle the truth, he thought, until I came along. Even then he could not bring himself to admit it, even though he allowed me to tell him I thought he was bisexual and why.
He said he was ready now to give up his bisexuality, which he regards as something like an addiction. He says he was capable of caring deeply for a woman but he had gotten into these relationships with males when he was very young. I figured out a lot of the reasons as I talked to him about his early history when he was alive. He was very boyish looking even in his 60's, small, and good looking, so I figured he had been pursued by gays from an early age. He said this was so, and he was tempted and succumbed enough to develop the addiction. When he met me, he said that he was too close to the end of his life to give it up, so he still acted on his attraction to guys, which is what broke us up about a year before he died. He was already experiencing an alarming degree of pain, so I continued to take him to the doctor. I had already seen him through a critical back surgery when 5 discs had to be fused to keep him becoming a cripple. That was very scarey since they threw him out of the hospital after one day and I had to look after him. I was not even a nurse!
The guy who broke us up of course was not capable of looking after anyone since he was a bad alcoholic. He said he felt very guilty about having to depend on me to help him die after he had not treated me well. He does not think Doc is treating me well by continuing to drink so much so we can have no sexual relationship whatsoever, but he recognizes that Doc has a big problem with his sexuality. Doc has been punishing women over his nightmarish first marriage his whole life, and like Pierre, habit prevails and he is unable to stop his downward course toward self destruction. He is not a bisexual. He is not sexual with anyone. It must have taken quite a few years to kill his sexual drive altogether, but he apparently feels less rage and pain when he is not having any kind of sexual relationship with a woman even though he enjoys their companionship and tries to have a relationship that does not include sex. Pierre who was not that messed up in his mind thinks that is cruel, and it is, but Doc cannot help himself at this point.
Pierre was grieving when I knew him because although he could have sex, he had not been able to get hard enough to penetrate for quite a few years. He had lost that function after his first back surgeries he said, before he met me. Now he says that capacity has been restored to him, so he no longer feels like a cripple. He says it is a mind thing that you take with you when you die, even though you leave the body behind which has usually become non functional someway. He says he feels that he was more a true and loving husband to me in life than anyone has been. He says he would not hesitate to renew his relationship with me despite what Doc says because it was as strong as it was in life. I have told Doc that Pierre's and my sexual life was pretty good but he chooses not to believe me. Pierre thinks he could rival Doc with intellectuality now better than when he was alive because he has been working on his addiction problems ever since he died, include his sexual addictions, which he thinks makes him more advanced than Doc. That is true. Doc has not dealt with the physical aspect of love at all for 10 or 15 years which seems very strange. Makes him seem like a 102 already.
But men at our age are often sexually dysfuctional. Well women are, too, so a sexual relationship may not exist in most people's lives for years. Too bad.
I am glad John Edward's book inspired a visit from Pierre.