Bukowski just tapped me on the shoulder and said do you want an interview with the great writer himself? I hear you are pretty good at picking up thoughts from the spirits gone to the other world? I jumped at the chance so hear it is:
BUKOWSKI: Yes, post a photo of your sister's famous bust of me. That's how I looked at fifty. I have read Scott's interview of you talkng about me and Linda. You are right about one thing. I would not have kicked Linda King off the couch. She was a genuinely insane person when I knew her, and you never knew what she might do at any given time.
GERRY: Yes, well, we can't talk about Linda in this interview, because she might get mad at me, and we don't want that.
BUKOWSKI: Oh, that's right. Well, let's talk about you, then. Still haven't made it as a famous writer, have you?
GERRY: No, do you think I will?
BUKOWSKI: The chances are not good. You have never smoked or drank or took dope, so you have led according to a lot of people a very boring life. It looks like your main purpose in life has been to scold the men and try to get them to straighten up. Scolds tend not to make it to the heights of fame and fortune.
GERRY: That's my guess, so I am not going to spend too much time lamenting my failure to rise. I am busy now working on the last phase of my life. I will be mixing and mingling more freely with the spirits, which is why I was able to attract you here. My sister LaRae paid me a visit a couple of nights ago that was startling. She came into the room and I don't know how I knew this, but I did. I knew she was there and I kept asking her why. It worried me at first, but she came to talk to me about working with the dead. She stayed all night and showed me how it could work. I have very strong telepathic powers so it will be easy for me to pick up their spirits.
BUKOWSKI: Why would you want to do that?
GERRY: Because I am going to come over there and kick all you famous writers' asses for not helping me get famous too, while I was still alive.
BUKOWSKI: I encouraged you to submit poetry to Wormwood. Without me, you would never have made it into the best little poetry magazine going at the time.
GERRY: Yes, but you had Notes of a Dirty Old Man published and other memoirs. The memoirs made you just as famous as your poetry books. Look at Post Office and Factotum, two of your best.
BUKOWSKI: You are always writing about bisexuals and you aren't even one. Women or men don't like that. I quit writing about being a bisexual when I found that out.
GERRY: I admired you the most for writing about that in the first place. I thought you had guts.
BUKOWSKI: No, you have to be either straight or gay. None of this in between stuff. So I made up my mind to be heterosexual and that was that. Your sister Linda is right. I just loved guys because I thought I was so damned ugly and deeply scarred I would never be able to get any women, but as soon as I got fame and discovered my sexy poetry reading voice I could get all the women I wanted. I made myelf content with them. Oh there were a few flurries but nothing to match the women.
GERRY: You were an advanced spirit then, deciding to give up men for women.
BUKOWSKI: Women are our match even though we men don't like to think so. Who knows maybe your kids will be able to sell your memoirs and you will be famous after you are dead. Better late than never. Some get too much fame, and some not enough. It is the women who usually get shorted, I admit.
GERRY: My sister Linda cannot even get her book about you published because she is a woman. She is the only person in the world who has written a book about you and been unable to get it published who knows a lot about you. That is how much against women writers publishers are.
BUKOWSKI: And you have not even got one famous person in your memoirs. So it's no wonder you are having an even rougher time getting famous. Linda has atleast got me so is semi-famous. I guess we men just don't like lookng at life from a woman's viewpoint. We feel smaller, somehow, through her eyes. We have grandiose ideas about ourselves. I glanced at this horrible scene you wrote of your dad as "Snarl" berating his poor daughters. Think how he must feel when he sees that. I am afraid in all these videos of me kicking women on the Internet my snarl is just as big as your dad's. Calling the women cunts and whores!
It's a wonder I am still famous after people look at them. Thousands of people have seen me kicking a woman like a damned dog.
GERRY: I have read some of the comments and there are a lot of men in favor of a good woman kicking. They say she was unfaithful and thought she should be able to get away it.
BUKOWSKI: Well, I was drunk and went into overkill.
GERRY: And still your fame survives, while I who took a vow in my youth never to drink because of alcoholic dad must be punished on and on for being a prude!
BUKOWSKI: That's how the world works. Maybe you will fare better in another life!
