Why I made the decision to talk about my dad's gay side even though I might have to stay away from Utah a while!

I did not talk about my perceptions that my father had a homosexual affair with my molester for years. He got jealous and angry at him so I thought that was mainly why he targeted me. People just did not talk about such a taboo subject in those days as homosexual affairs, especially if the man was married. That resulted in such secrecy that even molestation involving a man and a boy was not talked about because nice people's sensibilities might be offended. Hmm, so how are you doing to detect it and do anything about it if you can't even think about or talk about what it means to be homosexual. Homosexual feelings have been with us I am sure for thousands of years. I am inclined to think that in places where a religion is very dominating the taboo might be worse. Right now accusations of molestation by Catholic priests are surfacing in countries like Ireland, Germany, the Netherlands, and Mexico because grown men have finally broken their silence and come forward to say they were molested as children or underage teens.
In Utah the early days of polygamy created an unbalance caused by men taking more than one wife. There weren't enough to go around to all the boys born creating a phenomenon known as 'the lost boys.' The present Fundamentalist LDS branch that still practices polygamy has many 'lost boys' who are just now telling about their expulsion from the church ranks. The early church was very loath to admit anything that might be seen as a fault that polygamy caused which tendency stayed with the main branch of the church even when the practice of polygamy was given up.
Most Christian churches use what they call biblical authority to condemn the homosexual particularly which I think it is wrong. Adults having sex with other adults of the same sex is going to be practiced regardless of attitude, so all that happens is that a giant abyss starts opening up between the 'straight' and the gay worlds. All over the US young homosexuals feel forced to flee to big cities where they can find others to associate with who will accept them without constant condemnation.
I felt forced to flee into exile myself just because I befriended bisexuals and thought the policies of condemnation exacerbated molestation problems rather than helped. In fact if the homosexual feels condemned no matter how he or she came to those feelings, whether born with them or molested into them, the feelings of bitterness and frustration could lead to repeating these very acts of molestation on reaching adulthood. Judgmental attitudes cause grief. They are a form of prejudice.
I feared my even talking about the molesting would result in the murder of the molester. This was I thought too severe a punishment. Many may molest due to alcoholic behavior. Nearly all the people who molest are eventually going to get out of prison should they be arrested and sentenced. Molesting ranges from mild to severe. People need to get more involved in studying what policies are effective. Squeamish holier than thou attitudes toward homosexuality do not help the ones who were molested until homosexual feelings were awakened in them.

I had another bad experience with an old man saying the N word

Doc and I were having quite a nice morning. He had taken a photo of me without glasses which I quite liked. Everything was going pretty well. We were making a video in which I happened to mention that his old 75 year old pal said the F word in my presence and he did not stop him and tell him a lady was present, so I had to go home. I will not stay in the presence of foul language. As far as I could see he just says it for the fun of it and because he thinks it makes him sound tough. The more he said it the more uncomfortable I got.
Well, Doc refuses to take my complaints serious. One word led to another. The next thing I knew Doc was saying the N word! I have always registered protests at anyone in my presence who says the N word, and I am even more passionate about my objections since I got a grandson of color, by the way one of the handsomest, smartest, nicest grandsons you could ask for, and I cannot believe that white people still want to say those words to make the innocent young suffer for having a golden brown skin through absolutely no fault of their own. As a matter of fact my grandson reminds me in looks of President Obama and others have told him that, too.



I can't tell you how many nasty fights I have been in over prejudice like this in my lifetime. Doc doesn't take the seriousness of his behavior while drunk serious, and until he does he is probably not going to care enough to stop drinking. I go home every day around noon in order not to deal with him when he starts to get nasty.
Well, I decided to go on filming this incident, even though my hackles were up. It is no wonder I have been in so many fights. This kind of 'joke' is not a joke. It is not anything you can really laugh away.
But I think that Doc allowed me to edit the film and upload it because he knows somewhere deep inside him that even the mildest use of the N word is not acceptable. He is an actor. He gave me the scene illustrating prejudice that stays with us for years and blights every part of our life just a little bit. No matter how anybody tries to excuse it. Perhaps even worse he might think other people who use the word out there will secretly applaud him for not giving up saying it. I really did not want anyone to see Doc using it. But this time the topic was offensive language. So he decided to use it. Well, bully for him.
So we got into still another fight with neither of us prepared to budge an inch. This is why when Doc says he will help me do this and that, I don't get too excited. He does not understand respect for others is the most important gift he can give and that means total and absolute consideration for my black grandson. This is why my grandchildren are never subjected to his presence or influence.