Saturday, January 10, 2009

Riding our new fast transit and thoughts about attractions

This photo was taken just across from the complex where I live. I was coming back from the Farmer's Market and snapped this picture. It went by so fast I did not catch the front of it as I intended. Anyway, I rode it for the first time yesterday north to the end of the line, and then I walked over and shopped for a few things at the big Target up there and came back. It was so quiet! It was packed when I got on, a lot of people standing, so I think it is going to get used. Phoenix feels like a big city now for sure with our own fast transit.
I got vine ripened tomatoes at the farmer's market today and a head of loose leaf lettuce. Doc made a bean 'glop' as he calls it and gave me a container of cooked beans to add to some soup I already have made. I am going to fix a great salad after a while and toast. For dessert I think I will cook some rice and raisins to have with applesauce.
Doc wanted to know all about what was on my mind today and if 'the dead guy' was still with me. I said no, I could only think about the dead a limited time, and now I am thinking about another living guy who has been in here about a year. He looks to be in very good shape without a drinking problem. I have had my eye on him for about a year, and I think he has become aware of me, but he is probably ten or twelve years younger so that might be a problem, but it looks like I am going to have to go younger to get a functional male. They seem to conk out faster than females. I have found out that you do not show interest in a younger guy which intrigues him since he is used to women throwing themselves at him. If you continue to ignore him he may come around.
I wasn't going to tell Doc about this attraction, but he questioned me so closely I saw no point in keeping it a secret from him, as he would have to know if anything should happen. I saw this guy last summer in the pool. Since I am about the only woman in this place who goes in the pool he may have gotten some interested then. He is one of the few guys I have ever seen in the pool as well. Both out of shape men and women let every little thing stop them from going in the pool when that is what they need.
One other guy goes in there and swims laps but he is way younger than I am and I feel no attraction to him. He is like a kid to me. He likes to splash women, too, just like a kid, only not me of course. I am old enough to be his mother.
I do think it is more practical to be attracted to the living than to the dead. What can they do? If addiction helped cause their deaths, they will have to pay by not being able to interact with the living. I appreciate Pierre saying he would be there for me when it is my time to leave the earth. I will need someone who knows the terrain then.
I am going to try to get out of making videos with Doc as long as I can. I have so given up on this relationship, but hey, you cannot be mean to people just because they are addicted. We are all addicted to something! Doc sneers at smokers, druggies, and fatties, but that sounds stupid, coming from him.
I do think that there are a lot of deep seated reasons why our society has become so addicted, and we are going to have to address a lot of them before we can get healthier. I was watching a youtube video yesterday which said that smoking and overeating are now the leading causes of death. Each one causes more deaths than the next seven causes of death combined Alcoholism is the 3rd leading cause of death. I was surprised to see smoking so high on the list. I knew obesity was coming up fast just from what has been happening here in this complex. The disabled are now as apt to be obese as not. Obesity is costing millions in health care among the elderly.
My sister Ann was probably at her heaviest when her pancreas went kaput, so overweight combined with high stress which she was experiencing in her school teaching job practically did her in. The problem started with a gall bladder attack which is often the result of eating too many fatty foods. I remember a number of overweight women in my childhood having to have their gall bladders out who were absolutely addicted to butter. Butter in everything. Whipped cream. Rich desserts like pie They all raised good gardens but buttered healthy food up so much they all got too heavy. But I noticed the three sisters who got heavy in one family were the homeliest The prettiest sister never did get fat, so I think that if people do not fit the general criteria of good looking, with the right length of nose, etc, they are made to feel homely if not down right ugly in our society.
People cannot help being born with long sharp noses like Dad's or fat ones like Grandma's so we as a society need to learn to be more tolerant of variation. I don't quite know how we are going to do that, but I don't think that plastic surgery and new noses ever quite works on that person who may have had another nose so long she is never going to feel beautiful with a surgically enhanced one. Oprah for example has been enhanced by surgery on her nose to the point that she is down right beautiful but it is possible she does not feel beautiful inside, and knows that a lot of women are not going to be able to afford operations on their noses, even if they were so inclined.
I never could have done. My sister with the long nose had hers shaped into a movie star version, but I think she has trouble feeling she is as beautiful as she can look. I make a lot of jokes about mine, but I am wondering if that attractive guy can get past this fat nose since his is more nicely shaped. I think Doc has been handicapped by his superiority so much that I am not even interested in him anymore should he reform. He has just said too much about the defects that keep me from being a beautiful woman in his eyes. I think what is his problem?? But whatever it is, it is incurable. He just does not have it in him to work seriously on a complete relationship with a woman who is not what he thinks is his physical match. My ankles are way too big boned, too. I have always been judged by my ankles.
Is that shallow or what? And Doc wants intelligence as well. No wonder he has given up on finding this perfect woman and decided to drink himself to death without pause, slowly but surely.
Me, I am still struggling to live healthy and be healthy and hope to find a man who can think better about looks than he can. We will see.


annk said...

With all the pictures you have in hats, clothes that match or are bright and colorful, swim suits, etc., you seem comfortable in your skin in spite of big nose and fat, post legs as Linda always called hers. That is good.
We all need to lighten up and enjoy the day and laugh more if we can find someone who will! Oprah is too serious and grandly cusses herself. Laugh, the world laughs with you! Teachers just get too serious. I know, having been one...these classes can get right down dreary! Have more fun. Me too. I need a pound or two gone...maybe we can laugh them off!

Jeanie said...

I'm going to wish you 'good hunting'Gerry. If you don't go for it you will never know. Laughter is a wonderful door opener.
My best wishes to you.
I remember when you alluded to him last year. Don't waste another year.
Jeanie xxx

Nelishia said...

You know I had a self conscious problem with my nose as I felt it lengthened as I have gotten older but something you said to me about long noses once changed the way I think about myself. I think its funny and all subjective about beauty for what is beautiful in one country is not in a superficial greedy country. In Nigeria we're beauty queens. Here, a mockery. I believe that media uses the word 'healthy' to be discriminary and not be labeled predjudiced. But that is exactly what it is. Health issue or not shunning because they are different is racisms behavior. And I noticed something, even at my heaviest, when I feel sexy and beautiful, at 47 with a grandbaby at my side, I still turn heads because of the way I carry myself. When you think you're beautiful, I think it projects onto the world. I still have a great sense of humor about my weight though and am not too touchy about it. I made a remark to my mother about being so inactive this past year because it's been one sickness after another and that Dirk might as well tie a string around my waist and fly me in the next Macy's Day Parade with Rocky and Bullwinkle and that I'd be up there with them bumping into tall buildings. We laughed till tears rolled. I had my arms out like superman and played as if I was bumping into buildings. LOL Attitude is EVERYTHING.


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